When I think about marriage, I feel like I'm going crazy. Theres only one person I have ever thought about marrying, and I couldn't ever do it, because I lover her to much to screw up her life by marrying me. Its not that I trully am crazy, or that there is anything really wrong with me, But I'm just average, and she is such a world changer, an earth quaker. She is gonna do awesome stuff with her life, me, I seem to be going nowhere fast.
And I know I could do so much, If I would just put as much effort into my spirtual life as I put into my petty life on this earth. This earth is just a shadow, nothing much to see here. Yet it seems my heart yearn for it. I wish I could kill myself, but thats not why I'm here. That would just be straight up gratifaction, besides, Gods not done with me yet. I haven't woke the world yet. Err... somehow this sounds creepily terrostic or something like that. By kill myself, I mean, just get off this earth. And by wake the world, there are still so many who haven't heard the message of Christ.
Errr... back to the kinda subject I was on... Sometimes things are really ironic. Wouldn't you say its crazy to not get along with someone you admire and love so much? I would, but I know so much how it is, and how it comes about. This girl and I agree on many many subjects, even if we haven't ever talked about them together, and yet, our personalities are very different, she is a very hardworking individual, with impeccable ethics, and beutiful soul. And I suppose thats what I love most about her, her Christ-like soul. I on the other hand, I am just a fool, a man who knows so much, but for all his wisedom and knowledge, still feels far from his goal. Even walking in the spirit, I feel foolish, for when I am I know how foolish it is to try and guide myself.
I'm a pessimest, and I give joyful praise to God that such circumstances could befall me, no matter the pain agony or suffering. Besides, its just a thorn in my side. Not a nail in my hand.
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