Today and EveryDay.

Today and EveryDay.

Dying to make life anew. Spending my last breath to say goodbye. Using my first to say Hello old friend. Weathering the darkness before dawn, just to see the sudden sunrise.

ALL YOUR POST ARE BELONG TO US!

Hey Kids!

Sometimes pop culuture rocks!

But after hearing that phrase a million times, it almost doesn't rock at all...

SO!!! Whats new with me? Not much I guess... Its almost Christmas... Its fun to give gifts at Christmas...

And thats the end...

Chau

Happy Birthday?

Yeah, I guess it was... For the most part...

Although I talked to my cousin for half an hour today and he just asked me for stuff, and didn't know it was my birthday. :-(

Oh well...

I had a nice dinner. It was pork ribs, broccoli, corn and potatoes. Which was delicious. Yummy Yum Yum.

I received a stereo, which was rather surprising. But I am going to return it tomorrow, because I am crafty. Tomorrow is like senior citizen day, and I am shopping with my Grandma. Old people can get fat L3wt. I am totally picking up a really special gift tomorrow. It will be nutzors to give it, but I can't wait! :-D

I can talk to Jo in 15 minutes!!! Yay!!!

Ugh... I think I gained weight. To much good food lately. I think I am going to stop drinking pop. Because water is good for me...

Mmm Hmm...

Yippe!!! My cd giving plans are all coming together!

well.. I am going to jet...

Chau!

Strange Dream...

Hey...

Why do I say "hello" or something at the beginning of my posts? I just don't know.

Anywhoo...

I had a strange dream last night. It was about refugees and evil corporations and destruction on a massive scale, about avoiding enemy patrols. And being James Bond in the mall, on a model rocket car? And then I got out of the car and was going to meet the girl I liked and then I got to the meeting place, and of course I was accompanied by Dan Anderson, and he started drooling, and Kayln kept talking to him. And then I woke up, I think.

yeah yeah

Jo works today and tomorrow... No Fun!

k... I gotta go do homework and such...

Chau

Today?

Hey All!


I'm just talking to Matt Walker... He wants me to go to Fargo with him on the 15th. And have needles stuck in me for big money. Which I know Jo isn't to thrilled about. What a connundrum.

Hmm... I kind of want a DS, but how much I want it is up to debate. It could be fun to have. Who knows?

MmmHmmm...

And how!


Chau

HUZZAH!!!

Hey all!!!

I have crazy crazy news!!!

I am dating! Dating Bobbie Jo of course! Which is bound to be a most wonderful journey!

I am really excited, but more than a bit scared. Its a lot of responsiblity. Its a lot of trust to put on another person. But I know that she is trust worthy.

Welll... That was my hot post action.

Chau!

Easter Egg

Where the crap are we?

Wow... You know you have seen a lot of HomeStarRunner when you have seen this...

Chau

Grilled Cheese and The Virgin Mary

eBay item 5536655596 (Ends Nov-25-04 09:30:48 PST) - HAPPY GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH

As you very well may know, The virgin Mary's "image" has shown up on a piece of Grilled Cheese sandwich. A complete fallacy to be sure, but it has spawned numerous other grilled cheese sandwichs to go for sale on ebay. The origanal sold for about 70,000 dollars. Yeah... Crazy Pants...

Chau

Happy Grilled Cheese!

Just a fool...

ughh...

I am feeling awfully down today.

I feel dumb.

I feel frustrated.

I feel like I am not succeding.

I feel like I am failing.

Basically, I feel like I am being foolish again, and need to keep my mouth shut.

Every time I open my mouth and make my thoughts known I am being foolish.

Some days it feels like it would be better just to not talk to anyone again.

*sigh*

But I can't be like that. Thats not who I am or who I am want to be. I can't give in to the depression or the self pity.

TROGDOR!!!

There, that cheered me up...

Chau

Everybody to the Limit!

H3Y!

W00T!

I had a super exciting day today...

I woke up early and went and got logs and brought them to the sawyer, which took me until 2 or something. Then I just kind of chilled until my mother got home. She brought home some roast chicken stuff and egg nog. One or the other of those made me sick to my stomach. Oh, yeah, I had a headache too...

Oh, I forgot, I finished "Gods gift to women" today, too. Which was a pretty good book, which hopefully helped me understand women a bit better. But that is yet to be seen. Its hard to tell sometimes if you really learned what you needed to from a book. We Will See!

well, thats all the excitement that I can handle for one day...

Chau

Behold! A title is born...

Hey

Things have been a tad weird lately. I don't know why...

It just hasn't been normal. I think the sky is falling, mehbay.

:-D

Well, perhaps I will blog when there is exciting news to be heard.

Until then...

Chau

A Word to the Wise...

Don't ever play the question game, its much more trouble than its worth. One bad question and your trailing flames and leaking fuel. Its dangeresque. Very dangeresque...

:-D

Of course its good that God heals all wounds. Not that there were wounds, but its good anyways.

now for some boiling oil...

hehehe...

At least I am having fun, even if you all are not...

Chau!

Your dark lips are full of lies...

Grr...

I changed the template.

Feeling a little frustrated today.
Not feeling up to par.
Things have been a little chaotic.
Chause.



Chau

Ps... all that stuff up there was supposed to be spaced in a phat way, but sadly, it will never turn out the way I want it to, will it?

John Kerry Supports Terrorists...

John Kerry Supports Terrorists...

Check out this article... EVIL TERRORISTS...

Don't give in to their terrorist demands!


New York Post Online Edition: news

Chau

Moving...

I think I am going to move to a generic template, because I miss common things...

I think I will move after I get some comments on this post...

WOTS WOTS WOTS

Hmm...

I think I have been playing to many video games lately... haha...

Actually, I haven't been playing too many video games lately, its just one of the few things that I have been doing lately... Not much has been going on, and its just been uber exciting...

Yeah...

SO!

I met this girl. She is the nicest of girls. I first met her on my missions trip, although we weren't friends until afterwards. Her name is Bobbie Jo, and hopefully someday, one day, I will date her...

Yeah...

Thats pretty much the most exciting things going on in my life. :-D

It is awfully exciting though isn't it? I think that it is!

:-)

Well... Tell you more about it tomorrow... perhaps...

Chau!

Hello!

Greetings!

I think Halloween passed and I didn't even know it. Unless its tomorrow, or well, technically today. Wait, yeah... It must be.

I have been feeling mopey today... I don't know why... Or, well... I do, but then again don't...

Yeah!

Hmmm... I think I should make a point to crack down on some of my bad habits. Like... Umm... Well... Oh, I know, Watching TV. Nothing on their worth watching anyways. Bad me. Bad TV.

Yesh...

Oh! I know what else I should do, I should write down a page of Bible notes a day. I used to write good notes on my devos, but I haven't been doing it lately, for some reason.

Hehe, I am kind of taking Biz Stones advice... haha, if I tell you I am going to do these things, then at least I can think that they are expected of me. Woo Hoot!

OH! I was going to write Jo an email, but I guess I will just have to talk to her on the phone, hopefully tomorrow...

Yeah, I know you don't care...

Chau!

*EDIT*

Someone at blogger hates me! Giving me the most hugemongous font size! Its written into the html, so its not an accident... It wouldn't let me us the Sight editor to just change it... Yeah... K... 'nuff rant...
*****

Anger Management...

Hey Hey!

I saw "The Red" music video by chevelle the other day, and I was totally suprised that it was about Anger Management. I suppose that makes sense, but thats never what I thought the song was about. Oh well...

Well... I had lots to say... but then I couldn't say it here... Just can't happen...

No such luck.

weird that I feel like I can't talk about it here. But you know how it is... Especially you Christina...

The walls have ears...

:-D

Chau

Hello

Salutations!

Well, I just got back from MYC.

It was ok.

It wasn't the most phenomanal one ever... It was pretty decent. I guess I just feel like I didn't connect well with the worship or the speaker. The worship was awfully fast and the band playing didn't play any of its own worship songs, despite being a "worship" band. It just distorted other peoples songs. Not to be mean to the band, because they were good, but me and them were just not meant to be. And as far as the speaker went, it was a good message, its just its one I have heard many many many times.


My sister is all angry at me, because she wanted to stay up and read, but I wanted to check me email, so I told her to go to bed...

My cats neck smells like fabric softner. Crazy Cat.

Chau

Chau...

Greets...

Haven't been talking much lately. Seems like my world has just been standing still lately. A conveaniance that I don't enjoy often. I feel like I am watching beauty in slow motion. Some day when I am old, I hope that I remember these moments. I hope I remember how things were in my youth.

On Thursday I am off to Minnesota Youth Convention. Which should be enjoyable.

She is walking slowly in the moon light headed for a place that she knows all to well...

haha...

I just spent the last hour looking at the webpage for a band I like, Flatline. They are punk, and I really like them. But, the have really awful forums. In fact, I find that many Christian bands have awful forums. Just filled with people saying disgusting things. Its really sad.

Chau

Its "teh" madness...

WHoo Rah!

Its teh hutzah!

Zhar?

Indeed...

I am feeling silly today. Whoo Hoot!

Are all of yall excited for Youth Convention? I am! Its going to be a blast... It always is...
Haha... Especially if you bring your Super Nintendo, and pump out the hard core gaming action... Inside joke... That no one who reads this will get. Which is ok...

Any one know why the republish feature has become so slow??? It used to take a matter of seconds... Now it takes forever... I think it might take forever so people can't use it to spam the "just posted" list. Which is kind of a good idea...

Well...

I should be off...

*sigh* Sometimes I hate having to live life with open eyes... Knowing all I do. But then again, I don't believe that ignorance is bliss, so I know its for the better.

Voltaire lied!

I am pretty sure that quote is from Voltaire... I know for sure that he said that the multitude of books is making us ignorant. Which is a funny statement.

You know, I think that no matter what your learning style is, you could learn it better through apprenticeship.

Chau!

Well... She is dead kids...

Hola!

So...

Anyone know anything about the fall that Dan Rathers and Big Media took? About the fake evidence that they presented?

I guess I don't know much about it, other than that they lied to us. Us being the American public.

And all it makes me think, is how many times have they done this before? Once? Twice? Twenty? How many times?

I don't know. And I guess I would be scared to find out.


Haha... Some people are calling it the memogate scandal. Thats amusing.

Makes me think that I should watch news more... Kind of... Then I would know more about this. But what if who I am getting my news from is lying?

*the plot thickens*

Dan Rathers is 72??? Wowza... He should retire...

Ok...

Enough...

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Hmmm....

I suspect that my lines of fun up there won't show up how I wan't them too on most computers...


Maybe I should just do a half page line...

-------------------------------------------------
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
-------------------------------------------------

Hows that?

Idk...

Just don't know...


Hmm... I haven't seen my fat cat all day... Frank must be napping somewhere...

I almost called him buster... Jo, this is all your fault...


Anyways, I think I am going to go find my sister. Because this hear is boring...

Chau!

Howdy Yall...

Well...

Today our new fridge and dishwasher arrived, which is good, because we needed them. Both of them were broken in crazy ways. My fridge was freezing things, which is really super annoying. And sometimes the milk would be just above luke warm. Luke? Idk. Yeah, it was pretty erratic. No fun. And the dishwasher was just plain not working, for unexplainable reasons.

Fun Fun!

I think I am going to grab the camera and take some pictures. I saw a bright red tree out side. Bordering on pink...

Yeah...

I took some photos, although I don't know how well they turned out. Could be good, could be bad. I wish there was something else outside to take pictures of. It is kind of too windy to be taking pictures, everything is moving, which isn't good. Oh Well!

Haha, I have to restart the computer...

Chau

Phat Greets...

Huzzah!


Hmm...

My internet finally appears to be working again.

haha... Who knows how long it will last though... It could be very short lived for all I know... But hopefully it won't be!

My cat has gone nutz. It has finally taken a notice in the rodents. *Sniff* My little boy is all grown up.

Well...

I can't really stay and post much more...

SO!

Chau

Hey All!

I haven't been able to post much because my net is totally not working, and I guess that I am just to lazy to audio post. I could, and maybe I should, but I don't.

Yeah...

Chau

Not going to argue...

*sigh*

I feel really tired today...

I lot has going on lately...

Sometimes I just feel like I am slowly being drained of energy. I guess I am just feeling a little down, and a little tired. Too much going on maybe...

Actually I would suppose that its because I was up until 3 watching a movie... and now I am tired...

Hmm...

Well, as far as the comments on that last post, everyone has their own convictions, and that is one of mine. I am too tired right now to explain why that makes sense to me, but it does. And I will be thinking about how to strongly, but kindly word it to make sense.

*Sigh*

I wish that I had time to write, but I don't. My internet doesn't even work right now. I am at Matts house right now. Just chillin'

Chau

Gee...

Haven't posted much...



Well... I have some stuff to say...

Recently I was up in hibbing, chillin' with different peeps, like Bobbie Jo. Which was pretty cool...

But I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. So... I am just going to blog some of them...

I really really dislike secular music. A lot. A ton. With a vengence. To death, until you die from it. Because it seems like such a waste, for a Christian person to listen to secular music. Because its not like we need to listen to music for entertainment value. And secular music might be perfectly nice, but its not like anyone has ever prayed over it, asking God to bless peoples lives with it. With Christian music there is an oppertunity to grow and learn from it. Yeah... I think that I am making sense, but I don't know.

I think I have cried like 5 times in the last 2 weeks, I am not quiet sure why I am so emotionally charged. I just don't know whats up. I have been all over the charts. Its just weird. Oh well, thats just the way things are sometimes.

You ever feel like your continuiously repeating yourself? Like you are saying the same stupid thing over and over. Yeah, I feel like that sometimes. Like when I have trouble expressing myself, and then I try and clarify what I mean, and I feel like I still said the same thing as before, just in a different way...


Yeah...

Chau!

Hey all...


I guess I haven't been up to much lately... Some of the hibbing kids were up on wednesday, and then again on friday, which was cool... Always nice to see friends from distant places.

Just haven't had much to say. Been real busy, and haven't posted much... hehe... Which I know is real disapointing for all of you. But then again, most of you have stopped posting for great lengths of time with out saying anything to anyone...

Yeah!

Chau

Hey Hey Kids!

"And your mother tried to show me all the lazer crabs..."

Thats my quote for the day. I figure Christina might even know where its from. Oh, wait, I can't help but talk about where its from... Its from "Strong Bad sings and other type hits!" Hahahahaha that CD rocks. Right now I am listening to "The Cheat is not dead" which is a southern gospel type song, which rocks... BUT NOT AS MUCH AS BUTT ROCK!

I'm moving very slowly... moving very slowly... slowerly slowerly slowerly...

:-D LimoZine rocks!

Funny though, that I don't find most of HomeStarRunner.com funny... Just a couple of bits...



Well, things have been pretty chill here lately, just not much happening I guess.

I beat all of D&D: Heros in just 3 days... Short game. A good game takes at least 40 hours. This must have taken only 15-20 hours. :-l

Chau!

Hmm...

I wrote a whole post, and it didn't show up...

Yay!

Especially because I wrote poetry down, and since lightening never strikes twice, I will never have back those words I wrote... haha, oh well, it wasn't any good anyways...

*sigh* Hmm... I should write a wish list. I wish I weren't so vain. I wish I weren't so shallow. I wish I spent more time in thought... Ughh... Again I am whinning pointlessly about things that don't trully matter. Haha, maybe if I were more perceptive I could gather better ways to whine. But for me, nope, not going to happen. Its late and I am sick, and for whatever reason I am being down on myself. I think its just the same old same old. I wish people didn't read this. At least then I could hide the fact that I am incompetent and an idiot and that my life is going nowhere. *sigh* Why do I even write such things? I know that what I am saying isn't true, but I guess thats just how I feel right now. haha... I think I just wrote down a depression that lasted 30 seconds... New record maybe... I should really go to bed...

I wish it would rain...

Chau

Giddy up Giddy up, Hey!

Greetings wanderer!

So... I wrote a really whinny post before, right? Right...

So for this post I hope to write the anti-whinny post. I don't know why I don't just take down the whinny post... But I am not going to. *shrugs*

I really don't have a good reason to whine though. I have so many awesome callings on my life, and so many great things happening in it.

And I was going to write about them, but that feels... idk... Self-righteous...

To sum up what I would be saying, is that God has awesome things planned for my life, and that I hope to be able to accomplish incredible things for him. And I just pray that his hand of guidance wouldn't leave my life.

Oh! I have an idea... If I just list them I won't feel guilty... I think...

Never mind... that just won't do either... I guess if anyone would want to know, they will just have to ask sometime. Its pretty cool, but I guess I feel that way because its part of my testimony.

Yeah!

Haha, sometimes I am amazed at how I can cheer up just because I need to. I should memorize a psalm about Joy... I don't know any off the top of my head, if anyone has any... Just post about it.

Oh, that reminds me, I finally have Isaiah 53:5 Memorized...

"And he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our inequities. And the punishment that brought us peace was upon him. And by his wounds we are healed."

Thats all I can write for now...

Chau

It goes blammo!

Hey...

Today it rained... I love the rain. Its my favorite weather.

We had carpet cleaning goons out to the house today... Which really bugged me. I don't know why, but waiting for somethings really gets to me... Like when some one is on the cell phone in the car, and they turn down the music so you can barely hear it... And then they proceed to talk and talk and talk about nothing important until you are like 5 mintues from the destination... It ruins the whole ride for me.

I am getting tired of the way things are going. I feel like I need a break. But there never will be one will there? No... Not for me. Thats just not how my life is supposed to work, I guess. Haha, there are moments that take me away from reality for a while, but its not really a break, because its just worse afterwords.

Eh, but who can complain?

Lately my mind has been a swirl of useless thoughts. Just searching for the answers to questions I am not supposed to know the answers to. Which can be depressing. But then again, to me, everything can be depressing. I tell ya, I am a manic depressive. Haha... of course based on the fact that I think I am going insane, I can count on that I am not.

Yeah...

Well... Enough of my whinning... Time to go and do... umm... something else... I guess...

eh... I am leaving myself a note here. 2nd corinth 4:8... I think thats the one.

Chau

Hello World

Hey...

Ughh... I have had no time to write lately... Which is really bad, because I have a bunch of things to write. Which is sickening. Why should I have so much to write? Or have to write so much? I just don't know anymore...

Yeah...

Chau!

Nadda...

Huzzah!

I am just having breakfest... Mmm... Lucky Charms...

I have been really busy lately. Which is good and all, but its making me impatient. Which isn't good. But I just have to grin and bear it for awhile. Things aren't bad, they're just... idk... up in the air right now. And I am just waiting for them to land again. Just have to be more patient than I can be...

Well... I gotta go build stuff...

Chau

Just another day in the life of...

Hi

I am angry! I just hit backspace and everything I just typed is gone!

So basically what I said was a that God is good, and I am glad that when I am weak he is strong.

I had a bunch of stuff written, but now I am tired, and I am not going to write it all back down.

Chau

Just stressing out...

Why don't I ever write Dear Journal?

I don't know...

Today I felt like I was having an anxiety attack. It was pretty fun... Wheee! Wish I could do that everyday. Just stressing myself out about things that I don't really need to stress out about. Had to ask Christ to let my spirit settle down. I was thinking of hundreds of questions that I don't know the answers to. And won't know the answers to for quit some time.

I am listening to the "Inspirations"! They're a gospel group from the.. 1940's? I don't know when really. But thats my guess. I like them, they are good.

I actually have a lot to talk about, but I am not going to say anything until I have my head screwed on better. Right now I don't know exactly what to say. Haha... Stupid brain, stops working when I need it... And then starts up again when I don't want it to.

Oh Well! Such is life.

Chau

Life can be so exciting!

Hey J00!

I think I say "kids" to much...

I am tired...

Today I read about Elijah and Elisha... Which was exciting. Prophets usually are.

My life has been exciting latley. So much going on. My brother is getting married in 2 weeks! My cousins will be up soon too. I have to finish all sorts of construnction on my house. I just got 4 rabits. I have a new kitty. I have gerbils to feed. Wow... I am the master, I have acquired 7 animals in less than 3 months...

Yeah... I am tired...

Well... I gotta scoot!

Chau

Hey Hey All!

I have been at Big Z's house for the last 2 nights so I haven't been posting... And other than that I have been very busy. Building. Building a sauna, 2 decks, walk ways. Moving dirt... And all the other normal chores.

I am tired. My body is growing very weary. My mind is running in auto pilot. My brain needs a rest. My spirit has been up and down lately. I want things to just stay good. *sigh*

yeah

Chau

It can be so hard...

*sigh*

Sometimes life can be so tough. So tough that you feel its not worth living. You just feel that it would be better to end this long suffering and just go on to what ever is next.

But it isn't worth it. Death never would be. God put us here on this earth to fulfill a purpose. And as long as we have yet to fulfill that purpose, he will sustain us. God is a good and perfect God, and he knows when we should die. We shouldn't go killing ourselves, because our deaths will come too soon without committing suicide.

I have thought much of committing suicide. But I never will. It is so alluring, but its reward is hollow. After death you can never again laugh or run or play or do any of the many things that makes this life worth living. Because committing suicide would send you to hell. Or at least I can't think of how you can have a right relationship with Christ and still commit suicide.

Yeah... Just gathering my thoughts for what is shaping up to be an eventful day tomorrow. I pray that Jesus will give me strength to deal with the on coming storm with wisdom and love. I hope at least some of what I have said here will prove useful to me tomorrow. I just hope I can provide the insight and encouragement for my friend that I wish too.

I am not unused to talking about such things though, which is sad. I have talked with people about... well... about horrible things, that I don't want to repeat here. I tried admirably then, and in someways succeeded to help. I hope at least this time they will know that I care. I guess that's one of my flaws, I always want to help. There is always some way to help. Even if its just by not helping... (does that make sense?) Umm... Well, by not helping, but by listening.


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Earlier someone was talking to me, and they thought I wouldn't want them to tell me their problems. Do I seem cruel and unjust? Am I the type of person who wouldn't have compassion for another person?

Certainly some people don't think so... Some people say that all they ever tell me is their problems... Which doesn't bother me a bit, in fact it makes me feel in some small way, useful.

Do you think that Jesus would have ever been, no I am too good to talk to you, or I am too self involved to care about what you have to say? I don't think so. I certainly am not.



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My cat is so crazy! It just pretended to claw my bicep and then claimed victory by licking it!

I have been real tired lately. Feeling really stressed out. Some people don't realize it, but they stress me out a ton. And not because they are diffacult people or anything, but just because of how much they subtlely ask of me. Not that I would want them to be asking any less. In fact I would ask the ask more of me. I wonder how far I can go before I break. I hope decently far. But then again...



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I keep getting the feeling like I am being set up. Like some one is doing a bunch of things to me on purpose. Almost as though they are trying to get to something, but by strange means. In some ways it seems very obvious, in other ways so obscure. I am sure the person doing these things doesn't fully realize what they are doing. But then again, I am sure God does.

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So how do you like my lazy mans formating system? That well... Eh?

Here is a cool song by Children 18:3... Real cool in fact. Because Lee Marie sings the whole song.

"Time stands still it moves faster than me- I know I've been here before- There and gone like a mist from the sea- Wasting time that we both can't afford- And your'e right here only so far away- Lets build a bridge between you and me- A point of connection that the whole world can see- We've been trapped in this dungeon by the powers that be- So let's build a bridge to be free- Stained glass sky and a kiss from the breeze- I know we've been through this before- Look at leaves as they fall from the trees- They don't care what new change is in store- And your right here but I'm so far away- Sick of the pressure, sick of the strain- Heard all the lies, seen too much pain- You won't believe the things I've heard- Take the first step, let me go- I'll take my share of the blame- If you feel the same then why not?"



I almost just pressed back! Which would have made this whole post dissapear! WHICH WOULD BE CRAZY PANTS!

Indeed.

Well its really late, and I have to be up early, and I need to go and pray for my peeps.

Chau!

Enter this day

I am tired.

Sonshine was good.

I saw...

• Supertones
• The Insyderz
• Philmore
• Children 18:3
• Disciple
• Spoken
• Joy Electric
• The Apologetix

...and more



*sigh* All my friends are starting a new part of their lives. In some ways I feel like they are leaving me behind. But I will be there all too soon. Much too soon. Big Z will still be in town, so we can still chill. But Manic Matt will be leaving for Masters commission. I am going to miss him.

Yeah. Speaking of friends. I haven't talked to some of my friends in a while. And sometimes I don't know if I want to talk to them again. But I know I should. Shouldn't just stop talking even if we are drifting apart. My friendships aren't like that. I have never left a friendship on a bad note. Not once. That makes me happy to think about. Not everyone can say that. Many people can not say that.

I am tired.

I will go to bed.

Post again tomorrow maybe.

Maybe not.

Chau

Interesting Kid

J00!

On sunday I worked in the nursery, as usual. I always work it that sunday of the month. And there was a rather unique boy there. He didn't talk much, he just watched mostly. He played, but noticablly less than the other children. He was shy, but his eyes weren't. You could tell when he watched you. A nervousness would suddenly seem to be in the air. An anticipation of sorts. Almost as though he was waiting for answers, answers to questions he never really asked. Questions like "What made you do it?" or "Will it always be this way?" and maybe even "Can that honestly be the truth?". Such an interesting boy. Such a chilling boy. Maybe it was just me, but his eyes seemed to be watching you even when he wasn't looking at you.

the things unsaid

some things go unsaid. never does the longing mouth whisper the words wished to be said. never.

never will it say i love you. never will it say i need you. never.

it will always pass over it, and creep around it. pretending it doesn't need to be said. its actions hoping to say what words so simply could.

and impatience and frustration set in, as the stressful silence passes slowly. and how it wishes it could speed the time, the time before they part. so it can send the pain away. to make themselves hide the secret pain within.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that the rose my faulter, and wither its pettles away. to hide its heart underneath, so that no one will see it.

but to lift its fist from the mire, to push it high into the air. as though to say, in one last gasp, that maybe, just maybe.



I think that I should have finished writing after the line up there. I think that was good, and I ruined it with the next two unrelated lines. Maybe I will make those a different poem. Or well... Its not really a poem is it...

Chau!

New Boxxity

Hey Kidz!

My box broke the other day, so I had to buy a new one. Its a pretty nice one! So, thats what the lapse in posting was about, although I doubt that you noticed.

Chau!

About it all...

Hey Yo!

Hmmm... I just read an ad that said "summer fling or love everlasting?" That seems like a funny thing for an online dating service to say, because don't they just want to sell almost successful relationships? Because if you succeed and marry someone, won't you not need their services anymore? But I would suppose that they want you to think that you could find "love everlasting". Other wise why would you use their services?

I have a kittie! His name is Frank! I don't think he ever goes to the bathroom! He has really big ears!

I never posted about anything I planned on posting about! Isn't that exciting!

I have to go, so...

Chau!

Late Night Post...

Huzzah, and Welcome!

Ughhh... Its four in the morning... Which is pretty late... I think its funny that all the Hibbing kids said that we should pull an all nighter, but now they are all sleeping... Oh, except for Bobbie Jo, who is doing devos. Sometimes I am actually surprised at how strange the Hibbing kids can be, but only a little.

Haha, Bobbie Jo cut me with a knife, which was interesting, because it was an extremely dull knife that she cut me with. That's the second time this week she has drawn blood on me...

I am really tired. When I get tired, I tend to be more reserved than I already am. I don't talk as much, or interact with those around me as much. Some people get really silly when they are tired, I don't unless I am riled up.

Your Nutz!

That would be crazy! No, I know how to type! You crazy person you!

HEY... He is talking about me.. I'm the nutz one... This is Bobbie Jo now.. I didn't mean to cut him... I promise..... Ummm... We "Hib-town" people would've pulled an all nighter, but all of them "Hermantown peeps" went to bed. These are the sort of things he shouldn't forget to add, if I might say so.

Ok... So in the mean time, I want to say that he completely got me hooked on Brave Saint Saturn, and I really enjoy them now.

Costa Rica was really fun, and I suggest that anyone who reads this should go there once, if not again. I would never mind being there, and never mind living there. The people are wonderful. But as good old John Dahlager says, "It may be nice to visit, but you might feel differently about living here." I like how friendships have grown because of the missions trip we took. I wouldn't even be near this "Tim" guy.. But, fortunately, I had the pleasure of meeting him, and the pleasure of becoming his friend.

I AM the nutz one. Wait, I already said that.. You know what is funny? Tim seems to know when I get very tired. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LIKE NOW. Every time I was tired in Costa Rica, he would just say "Man, you are tired." HAHAHA. Quite funny.

But now that I am rambling on, and he's probably going to delete this anyway, I'll just stop talking. Nice to ummm, talk to you though? C-I-A-O.



Ummm... And now for something completely different...

Its about 5 in the morning now... And I feel like talking about deep things, but there are people in the same room... Which really makes me feel like I shouldn't be typing... So I am not going to talk about deep things right now. I guess...

Yeah...

Chau!

Hello

Hey Yo!

Whats up?

Not much is happening with me right now... I have the hibbing kids up to my house today, and I am just chillin' with them...

I guess I don't have a lot to say right now, I will post about it more later.

Yeah...

Chau!

Teaching...

Good Day!



You know what I like? I like to be able to teach, because it feels like you are making an immediate impact on someone elses life. Like you are changing them for the better.

However, I haven't been teaching you much lately have I? No, I don't think I have. I have been mostly talking about my boring life and whinning. I probably do that way too much.

Today I was reading the writings of C.S. Lewis, particularly his take on the Psalms. In his book, he talked about how to treat the wicked. Not the down troden ones, but those who represent the wealthy, intelligent, got it all, power weilding ones. He spoke about not condoning what they do, by ignoring it, by laughing at their jokes, by admiring what they do and who they are, by justifing it. He says that we need to stand up to what they say and do, but not dictate to them, but argue against them.

I think in some ways that is very true, and that we should argue, but argue kindly. We might not even win the arguement, but they may think of what we said for years to come, and one day change their mind. This is a very hard subject, because it is so tempting to just stay silent, and not speak that truth we know. But we must, even if it is hard. If we lie down and die, who will fight for us? And when you speak on it, you never know who else has been silent and will now agree with you.

yeah...

I should really finish that book. Maybe I will buckle down and do it tomorrow.

Chau

Back from "hib-town"

I'm back from

"hib-town"

Yesterday we went to hibbing to chill with our hibbing friends, which was an adventure. We mostly just hung out, and didn't do anything much. We went to see "the pit" which is like the biggest hole in the ground in Minnesota, which was exciting. Hehe... Then we went to walmart, which of course, rocked! Everyone loves walmart! And... Well I could keep going on about what exactly we did, but it isn't' very "exciting" to read I am sure.

Boo Radley is a cool name. Is that how you spell it? I don't know.

Its becoming amusing how much time I spend with Bobbie Jo. And the fact that I am writing her letters is just plain scary. Just makes me wonder...

Seems like us Hermantown kids will never escape the "hib-towners". So far we have only been apart for about a week, and I guess they are coming up for youth group. Which should be interesting, being as though its "summer Olympics" that Wednesday. What does that even mean, "summer Olympics?"

One interesting thing we did this weekend was a "street dance". Which was basically a bunch of drunk people standing in the street. They didn't dance! Oh, except for that one drunk lady, but she danced alone, and poorly. And I tried to get people to break it down with me but no one would. Bobbie Jo did a little, but she would start, then stop, then start, then stop. Eh? I just don't know why no one would dance with me, because you can't look any worse dancing than me. All I do is move my arms around. I tell ya, my feet never move, so its not even really dancing. But I can pretend!

I have been writing this for awhile. I really should buckle down when I post, but no! I have to get up and go there and do this, and check my mail and search for things and help other people do work. I think I have been writing this short little post for two hours now. Which is pretty cool. It took me an hour and a half to get more than two sentences done on this letter I am writing.

I am tired. I need a nap. I should go to bed early tonight.

Chau

Yarrr!

Tonight I am gearing up to go to "hib-town". Some how I feel its going to be tougher being there than I first anticipated. I am excited in some ways, and dreading it in others.

By using my 9th sense... I have gathered that Bobbie Jo probably hates me now. Which wouldn't suprise me. I have been so cracked out lately that its probably annoying everyone I know.

I have been using "Eh?" lately. Which is strange. I don't know if I have ever used it before. Just another nonsense word to fill space. Like "Yeah". Bad habit really. Not useful in anyway. I should really brush up on my reading. I haven't been well read enough lately, I am losing word recognition.

I am actually talking to Bobbie Jo right now. Which can be... tough... *sigh*
Girls are much more trouble than they are worth.

Chau!

Evar Marr...

Hey!


You ever feel yourself wearing down? Like you will never feel rested again? Me too...

I feel much closer to God than I have ever been. I feel like things are going well, even though I am a failure. I am lucky I am weak. Because Gods glory can shine well through those who are weak.

Today, again, I read Isaiah 40:31.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar up on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."

I had more to say, but I am not going to say it now...

Chau!

Tough...

*sigh*

Today was a tough day.

Today I felt helpless.

Today I felt useless.

Today I tried hard, but it didn't matter.

Today I wanted to give in.

Today I wanted to give up.

Today I wanted no more.

Chau...

Not really hacking...

Huh?

Yeah...

Did you check out the latest article from blogger? I think its funny, because they make it sound like knowing a little html and java and such makes you a hacker. Well, it doesn't, it usually doesn't even make you much of a web designer, it makes you mostly just a informed citizen of the web. People use the internet daily, and know nothing about how it works, why it works, or how they could use it to there advantage. I am glad though, that Blogger would try to spur people on to learn about it. At least by using things like the matrix and hacking, people will take interest!

I hope all you peeps read that article, 'cause its good stuff. Good stuff indeed.

So... Hmmm...

I really don't link that much do I? No, not really. Not much linkage comes from me. Even though I know its a good thing to link to pages I like, because it will help them go up on the google search engine... And because its nice to spread the knowledge.

As you can see, I added a scruffy bit of code to (haha, I don't think its right to call html document text, code, but that's ok...) my side bar, so you can check the archives if you want. Yeah, I didn't spend much time in fitting that in there did I? If I were really dedicated, I would make it so that it fits, but I didn't. Not today anyways.



I think I probably use "hmmm..." And "yeah" and "so..." To much. I really should think a bit more about what it is I want to say, and filter my thoughts better. But I don't, do I?

I am going to have a cookie!

Except for me! Because... (I had my tray table up, and my seat in the full upright position!) My Grandmother was at the house the other day, and she made cookies, molasses cookies! Mmmm... They are the best, just like my Grandma!


Haha, must resist the urge to say yeah.



Lately I have exhibited extremely bad grammar. Its been wonderful. The state of my grammar has been exciting, and exhilarating. The exuberance shown to this bad grammar is such that I should be put in exile.

Behold, such boredom as you have never seen before! The kind of boredom that only comes once or twice in a life. Or 4 or 5 times if you are particularly long lived.

And now for something completely different.

I guess I am going to "hib-town" this Saturday, which should be interesting. Nice to see friends again. I am surprised how much the hibbing kids want to see us again. Its very different from other trips I have been on! I haven't seen a single person from any other trip I have been on. No, wait, I have seen some of them, but I have never planned to see anyone again.

I would have to agree with myself on the speculation that I am locked into a certain posting style. This posting style of which I have become accustomed doesn't seem to be a good thing. I would venture to guess that its not going to be an easy habit to break. But then again, most habits aren't. I should know though, I am an addict. Being prone to addictions is not a good thing, especially when you watch it fore-shadow your families lives.

Well, I will bid you a sweet goodbye, and may your steps into the nevermore be peaceful and the driftings come easy.


*Edit* So I got done writting all this and plum forgot to check it for spelling! It was really bad.

Frustrated

Well... Hmmm...

I was going to write about my frustrations some more, but I don't really have time. I guess. But I will do a little about it.

SO!

I am not just frustrated by the things that are "getting" to me, but by the fact that I would let myself be in a postion where they could get to me, and that I would let them get to me. Huh, those to things sound alike. Like Girls? What care have I for girls? Having a girlfriend is something that I have thought of now and again, and always easily dismissed. But this time its really bugging me. Because why should I think of it now, its not any different now! Can't I just be done with such foolish-ness?

Or what about depression? Now and again I have been depressed... Why? What for? It doesn't seem I am ever depressed about anything thing that matters. I just am. Its so pointless. Where is my peace that passes beyond all understanding? Don't I know the truth, and live it in my life? Shouldn't I have nothing to be depressed about? Trully sack cloth and ashes are for another time, a more somber time.

Yeah. I am the most down on myself person I know.

But Why?

Well, I guess I have to get ready for church, so I am off...


Chau!

And I wished it all away...

Howdy!

I used to say Howdy all the time. A long time ago. But then other kids said it too, so I stopped. Stopped doesn't look right...

Hmmm... Yeah...

I really shouldn't blog. Its like a collection of all my worst thoughts. Kind of. Like, its all sorts of thoughts that I really don't need to think about. Like girls. Or questions I have that can't really be answered. Although, I don't know if I have wrote down any questions that can't be answered.

I think my posting has been pretty cracked out lately. Like me. Yeah. I don't know whats up...

All sorts of things to say about nothing I guess. Bad habit of using my mouth for talking, when I really should be using it to keep the silence. Bad bad me..

Yeah, well, I was hoping to see somone on the net, but they don't appear to be here. So I guess I am going to bed.

Chau!

Hey Kidz!

Hey J00, what's up Kidz?

So, yeah... I wrote two letters today. Which for me, is two to many. Because I don't write letters. I write a lot of posts, yes, I IM a lot, but I don't write letters. Some how whatever I write in what is supposed to be a real personal thing, comes across as foolish, or self involved. Which is both of them came across as! The first was a foolish little whiny thing about how I don't write letters, and the second was about myself mostly. Which bugs me, but what can you do? People demanded letters, so letters I sent. I guess nothing can be done, but hope that they aren't read.

Yeah, they were both to Bobbie Jo. I think she wanted a handwritten one. I don't know though, and I am not going to ask, because I flat out refuse to handwrite one. Because I have such bad handwriting. People tell me I need to be a doctor, its so bad. So I should get a Doctorate, and call myself a doctor. I could be a doctor of theology. That would be cool. I guess.

Yeah. She confuses me, Bobbie Jo that is... Because I have no idea what she wants from me. Hmmm... I guess its because I mostly become friends with people, people don't become friends with me. In a way... I have no idea if that makes sense. Yeah

I should stop rambling... But its SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun!

blar blar blar... *screams!*

Yeah...

So...

I always have questions that I feel like asking people. Like why some people talk to me, why some people WANT to talk to me. Why other people tolerate me. I want to ask about things people say, like why they said it, because sometime people say things that could get easily confused. Yeah


BUT ENOUGH rambling.

Chau!

Chika Waa!

Chika Waa!

Yeah.

That was one of my bucket head noises! Which rocked!

You should all go play bucket head now.


So, I saw the Chronicles of Riddick the other day... It was ok. It was super epic.


Yeah.


I have decided that summer is a bad time for me. I work to much, and see people to little. And I want to spend time with girls. Which distrubs me. I don't like girls. They are just confusing. Its not that I can't stand them, or can't talk to them. Its just there isn't a real good reason for me to have relationships with girls. Because I can't really be real good friends with them, becuase you always have to hold them at arms length. Or something.

I will talk more about that later maybe. Or something.

Yup Yup

Chau

HELLO KELSEY!

WHY ARE YOU READING MY BORING BLOG? STOP IT NOW!

HEHEHE

YEAH, I AM THAT LAME.

Chau

To what extent...

G'Day Mates

So... Today I worked. Just the second day back and already I am back at it. Doesn't surprise me though. Not at the work farm. Always work to be done here.

I am tired though. I wish I could have had a couple days to recover. My limbs ache, and my mind is slow. My body needs sleep, and I need time to think. I still don't know what I will say next Wednesday. I have some idea, but I am not just sure. I have been asking God about it, and I will continue to do so. In a way, I am very scared. In a different way I am very excited. I will just have to be patient and see what becomes of it. If it goes how I want it to, I will be very happy. If not, well then I will probably be mildly be disturbed.

Yeah...

So, I am kind of planning on emailing Bobbie Jo tomorrow or the next day. Or something. Maybe not. I don't have her email address. I don't know. I feel uncertian. Because I have no idea what she thinks of me. Or why she spent so much time with me. Because if she wanted to be more than friends, than I really can't email her yet. But if she wants to be friends, than I cannot wait to long before she is disapointed.

I just don't know.

Bobbie Jo is tough though, so either way she will be fine. I hope. I will just have to trust in the Lord to help me make the right decision.

Yeah.

I have spent a decent amount of time talking to people today. Like Veronica. I talked to her some. And Christina a bit too. And my cousin, Matthew.

Right...


Yeah!


Chau

Today and EverDay

Hey Jo!

Hehe, I'm funny...


SO for the third time I am rewriting this post. Don't ask... Tharrr bee evil a foot.


We were in San Jose, which is a city of 2 million people. The section of city we did most of our work in was called "the forsaken ones" a place without hope. I did clowning, which was fun, but I felt sorry for my leader cause she teh rocked at it and I was really bad. We did 3 or 4 school assemblies a day and a rally or church service at night. We really worked hard, never getting much sleep. One day we were up for 19 hours. That was the longest day. We worked Jon Dahlager, who was a real cool missionary. Almost everyone got along, I wish I could say that everyone did. But I can't, because if you watched closely, you could see clearly that some people were not getting along well, and were avoiding each other. And if you were me, you could see that many people didn't get along well with certain others. But things still went fine, and no one was angry or bitter. They just didn't get along well with other people.

Haha, my leader totally hated me. :-D Just kidding. She actually loves me a ton. Also just kidding. The truth lies somewhere in between there.

OH!

Let me tell you about the phenomenal day we had for our fun day!

OK! We rode horse for about 2 hours, and then we went zip lining about 400 feet above the forest canopy, and then we did white water rafting for about 3 hours.

The horses weren't bad, I fell off once, the only one too. The zip lining was sweet! But the white water rafting was just plain "teh rockin' awesome". It was so rockin' awesome, because my raft pretended to be Pirates the whole way. For strokes we would yell "Heave, Ho, Heave, Ho" And we would yell things at the other rafts, in piratey talk. Like "You yeller belly liver licken sons of hamsters!" And we would fire broad sides of water at others. It was fun. It rocked. It was a blessing from God. Yeah.

Today and EveryDay.

Dying to make life anew. Spending my last breath to say goodbye. Using my first to say Hello old friend. Weathering the darkness before dawn, just to see the sudden sunrise. A life lived just to see what happens after its death.



hahahahahahahahahahaha SO! I AM listening to an internet radio thing right? And I requested "these are not my pants" by five iron, and its hilarious, and a bunch of different people hearing it too. Its funny.

Back to Talking about the Trip

So, there was this girl on the trip. Her name was Bobbie Jo, hence the joke at the very top. I would say, Hey J00! And she thought I was saying her name, but really I was just being super lame, and pretending to say 1337 speak aloud. So... Often, girls on these trips and will pretend that one of the guys on the trip is there boyfriend, so they can say to the nationals, oh there is my boyfried. Well, Bobbie Jo pretended I was her boyfriend. Which is just more irony for my life. Cause she is a touchy feely kind of person. So she was constantly hanging on me. She is a funny girl. A nice girl. Hehe, I enjoyed spending time with her, even if we didn't talk much. She was kinda paranoid, like "does he hate me" because I didn't talk much, or do anything. So she felt kinda down about it. But I am pretty sure that she didn't feel that way in the end. I need to get her email address or she will, cause she was all, are you really going to write me? And I was like yeah, I will. I should post a bunch of pictures here, so that way she can see them. That would be cool.

She leaned her head on my shoulder a lot. Which makes me feel like she is my little sister, because my little sister is the only one else in the whole world who has ever leaned her head on my shoulder. Hehe. Yeah. I don't know. New and interesting experience.

I have more to say. I do. More about what God did in my heart down there. But I need to pray more about it. I have said a little to my very trusted cousin Matthew. And even then, very little. Funny that there are things that I won't even write in my personal journally sort of thing. All I am going to say is that I am very excited. Thrilled! Enthused! Estatic! In wonder! Awed!

Yeah, I will type some more later.

Chau!

Backity

Hey J00!

I am backity!

It was a teh rockin' awesome time, and I am sure it "Teh Owned" on the time you guys had while I was a way. Sorry, bad joke. Ugghhh... I am pooped. We certainly worked ourselves weary. Nobody had energy on the flight home. I am going to miss all those kidz in the up coming days. We have all been through a lot in the last couple of days. Crazy foreign bus drivers, and they're driving rules. All that beans and rice. Mmmmm... and glass bottle fanta. Those awesome church services where we didn't know what anyone was saying but worshipped our hearts out anyways, 'cause God new what we were a sayin' even if the nationals didn't. Hahaha, and my favourite service, the one where the lady preached for like 2 hours, and we had no interpreter. Yes, verily, all those things rockethed...

Well, Its like 2:30 right now, and I am crazy tired. And I really need to go to sleep, so I am going to say goodbye! I hope to tell you all more in the up coming days and weeks. Yeah.

Chau!

OH! I almost forgot!!! We saw the awesomest band while we were down there! They are really good, and just recording a cd! They are like the SuperTones of CostRica! AND I DANCED TO THEM! 'Cause they rocked! The rocked their little Ska hearts out!

Yeah, Minnesota Goodbye...

Chau!

YOYOYOYOYO!

Hey Yo!

I made it down safely! So far I am having an awesome time! We have been playing bucket head, which rocks! If you don't know what that is tough, and I should teach it to you some time.

I gotta get up at 3:15 to get ready to go, so I am a headding to bed early. So, check you later.

yeah!

Chau!

Soo...

I am leaving on monday. Wow, so soon...

Yeah.

I know I say a lot of things about this and that, about how I am not good at this or whatever or being sad or angry or what or what or what... yeah...

So now I am posting about good stuff. About things that are great.

Yeah!

Ok, so check this out! I say that I can't write. Well, that same writting skill is what God gave me to spread the gospel, so it totally fits for the work it was made for. Make sense? Yeah, I think so too... Or how about my singing voice? I really don't like it, but I guess people say its good. But thats the same voice God gave me to sing his praise. Now this doesn't mean that it is perfect, far from it, but with Gods guidance it can still be used for his awesome works. And it doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to work on these things so that they get better. Because God doesn't want sloth servants. Yeah. Thats right. Yo!

My friend Cristy is such an encourager, she is all, yeah I am pumped for the trip. Its gonna rock! Its going to be tough, but if we spend time in prayer and fasting, and just asking God for our every need, everythings gonna be ok. hehehe, and then she was all rapping... which is crazy, because she sounds good, even though I don't like rap.


I am almost done with chemistry, which I am so going to have to review like ten times... and then some. Yeah!

Chau!

Hey Yo!

Today is wednesday... Which means that we have youth group tonight! Yee-ahhh... Ye ah? IDK... I heard that Christina might be there tonight. Maybe. Or maybe I heard wrong, its so hard to know with such things. I rarely trust second hand information. That would be cool though, especially 'cause her own youth group has been causing her such pain. I hate it when my friends are pained, and I can't really help.

I am kind of dreading it though, because I have to talk to someone who I don't want to talk to... Because we were talking, and then suddenly they left. Things like that make me paranoid. Like something I said was so bad that they left. Just don't know. I guess I will have to find out.

yeah.

ummm...

Gotta go get ready. I have like 2 minutes before I have to get out the door!

Chau

Screwed Up...

Was for Christina...

Yo!

This post started as a reply to Christinas comment.



As far as saying stupid things... I seem to have a chronic problem with it. Because I can only go for like a month without saying something stupid. But I don't mean just normal foolish things, I mean extra foolish, like talking about how some girl wore my jacket. I mean, its not like it effects the grand scheme of things. And it a needless worry, that it "means" something. Because that is not how I would like to conduct my relationships.

I would rather that I got to be good friends with a girl, and then say make my intentions known, and then devolp our friend ship further. If we would go to the point of marriage, I do not know. I would hope so. But its all in Gods hands, not mine.

I do not think that I would like it if the Lady made it known to me that she loved me. I would have a talk with her, and we would see what we could sort out of it. And maybe I would even strive for such a thing, depending on who it was, and where we stood in our relationship. If I thought she was a sincere Christian gal, and I had Gods blessing to go ahead with it, I would pursue it. I guess... Yeah... IDK, in some ways, me being the timid man I am, I would rather that they did something first... But I know that the man really is supposed to wear the pants in the realationship, and thus it is my duty to do so. Yup Yup... I think I think...

IDK why I am talking about this...



And now for something completly different...

Today we had an AIM meeting. I had to give a testimony in two minutes. I did really bad, because I didn't have a very good ending, and I wasn't very specific. I never do very good at testimonies. Jena told me I sounded like I was doing a job interview. In Argentina, when I did my first testimony, I broke down crying afterwords, because something kept telling me that I hadn't done it well enough, so those kids were going to hell. Thats what I call spirtual attack. I have been under spiritual attack all week. I never come so quickly to this level of down, and only rarely can I go back so quickly, and then back down again. My sister and I argued in the car today, about who gets shotgun... It was my turn, but she was already in it. And then I didn't answer my mothers questioning about whats going on with school for about 10 minutes. We both just sat there.

The sky was marveiouls today! It was an aweing color of blue. Sky Blue I guess. All the clouds were blue too. At least in one part of the sky. In another it was purple, and close to the horizon it was still mostly white, but with bright reds and pinks. It was beautiful. Like God made it just for me, becuase he knows what I love. Oh! And there were some gray looking clouds, gray as though they were promising rain. Mmmm... Rain...

Yeah, those were lame thoughts from me.



I guess my sister has been reading my blog... Thats very disapointing... Because at least she could have asked, being as though it is my personal diary-ish thing-er.

It makes me want to go back to storybook. You can't ever be wrong if you argue with yourself. You can't ever be right if you argue with yourself. Storybook was a good book, full of raw emotion. Full of hopes and dreams, fears and sorrows. It was everything that I would never want another person to read. All the things that made me human I suppose. All the things that made me good, all the things that made me bad. It was the deepest part of my heart. It was the blood that I spilled, and the tears I shed. It was the happiness I hoped for, and the joy I so longed for. And when joy found, that too went into storybook.


Sorry... When you write about storybook, you must write like storybook. A little too repetative for my taste, but such my bane in storybook.

Yeah...

Chau!

Post of much posting.

Yo!

I am listening to a CD. But who is this CD? I do not know. They are good. They are singing reassuring things. I don't recall hearing them before. I wonder if they are new to my CD collection. This I do not know either.

Today was a good day. I spent time with my cousin at his house today. We played video games, for awhile. Then I went to Micahs grad party, which was fun. I enjoyed spending time with people that I don't often see. People like Niki, Christian and Dustin.

That reminds me, I have to re-write my links so that you can go to Christinas Xanga. For whatever reasons they hate me, and nobody has ever said anything about it. Hahaha! That didn't make sense... I was supposed to say that you must hate me because you haven't told me about it!

Sometimes while I talk to people I end up thinking that they don't want to talk to me. That they would rather not have to deal with me. Of course this must be depression, and not true. I only say that because I have thought that for probably everyone I know. But that's my struggle. Mein Kampf. Of course, it could be true, and sometimes I would rather believe that it is. But my emotions are more dangerous to me than anything else.

Today a girl wore my jacket. Does that even mean anything? Its kind of a strangely embarrassing thing. She wore it because she was cold, but does it ever mean anything? But in times like this, its best to stick to code that "nothing means anything". Yeah. I hate it when I think things should mean something. Luckily I am smart enough to know it never does. Which makes me happy, happy that it never means anything.



And somedays, 25 seems like a long time to wait. But it will be worth it. Today I am still to young, and still too foolish to handle the responsibilities of love. I can only hope that I will be wise enough to handle it at 25. That's 7 short years you know! I have a lot to learn! Right now I can't even keep a functioning "deeper" relationship. Partially it seems that time and commitment keeps me from that kind of relationship. The other thing that keeps me from such a relationship is that I am a winy dork. Perhaps if I were not so foolish I would do better. I am not even that close with my cousin Matt any more. We used to be real tight. But then I said to many foolish things for even my our relationship to weather. We are still friends, but now his heart is silent to mine. I know he still loves me, and that he cares for me, but we do not talk in the same manor as we once did. It used to so.. so.. so much "something"... IDK... But in some ways it must be better this way. I think he realized once that I am not helping him up, because he is reaching so much higher than I am, that I can't. How dearly I love that man. I once told him that "He is the brother of my own soul". There is a verse in the Old Testament that talks about that.

Well... There is more foolish-ness for you.

I think the wiser you get, the more you realize that you are not wise. Of course that would be self praising, so it can't be true...

I just don't know. Sometimes I wonder if you can know anything. I guess most of our lives rest of faith. Faith that our computer will work. We see no reason that they shouldn't work, but really, they probably shouldn't.

Yeah... I guess I am kind of depressed, but I know that I am trying hard to be pleasing in my Gods eyes. We are working hard at it. And its tough. But it is worth it.

Well, I can't be depressed anymore. I have to much to do now to be depressed. Like my missions trip in 8 days. Busy Busy Busy!!!

Chau! And good luck with your life!

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I could live with that...


I guess...

Nothing

So, I was endeavoring to learn some Xhtml today, instead of last night when I should of, when! I realized that xhtml wasn't showing up with my browser, for whatever reason... And I haven't had any succes in making it show up. How am I ever going to do CSS without Xhtml?

I just don't know.

Matt graduated today! It took three hours... But it happened!

Hahahaha, Matts old. Real old. Pretty soon he will be driving...

Yeah.

Chau

It only takes one word to ruin a friendship!

It only takes one word to ruin a friendship!

:-D

I should know, I am good at it!

"Unentitled" by... ummm... me

How sweet the nectar of life poured out upon the sand, draining life from what was once a man. His heart is now broken, his mind is now motionless. He gave it his all, he tried his hardest, but still here he lies. So still... So still... The waves break upon his body, careassing him with their pain. They say come back, come back. Return yourself to me. His spirit struggles for its freedom, but in the end cannot be freed.

" " By... yeah...

In his blindness he did not see. His senses failing, he knew not of me. I watched him from afar, but he didn't see. I wispered in his ear, but never would he listen. He said he knew me, but we never met. I knew him, knew him O' so well. We could have been brothers, we could have been friends, but he said no. He said he knew the way, knew where to go, and what to do. But it seems now, that he never knew anything. Today I mourn his passing, I mourn for what he could have been, what he could have done. But he didn't... He never did.

Gottta get me an emerald Man Ring! So people can swear fealty to me! YEAH YEAH YEAH!

Chau

Retarted

"You Go Girl!"

hahaha... Thats right! GO! GO FAR AWAY!!! AND DON'T COME BACK!

Sorry... I was reading something and they said you go girl, and I was all like... yeah...


Chau

I will try harder not to be so retarted next time...

I think I am going to have to endeavour into making my own blog skin. I will probably make like five crappy ones first...

Oh well...

Chau!

Hahaha... I called someother girl Anna while I was chatting today, and I nearly died from embarssment... Cause we had been talking for a while, but she had a real long name like Anna's so I didn't even read it... Opps...

Cocaine

Today in school...

I learned that cocaine is not a form of sugar... I bet your school never taught you that!

hahaha...

Yeah!

Chau

The nice thing is...

The nice thing is...

Is that none of all you peeps who comment on my blog are people I deal with on physical basis. So if I am talking about someone that I know and what they are going through and stuff, I don't have to worry that anyone will be offended or something.

Yeah!

I gave my sister the coolest email addreas... MOONBEAMDOMINATION@HOTMAIL.COM!

Pretty slick, Eh?

Yeah, I thought so... I must have given her that like a year and half ago? Or something...

Frosted Flakes make strange sound. And remind me of rice crispies.

So what do you think? Time to change the template again? Or should I endevaour to make my own? Cause if I had my own, then I wouldn't have to have a maystar thingie on it...

YupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYupYup Uh-huh Uh-huh...

118 profile views... Imma popular guy I am... I have decided that Blogger needs smilie faces... Because they font they use makes my smilie faces imperfect... YEAH!

Almost 18,000 words now... So whens my book deal coming?

HAHA! I just read something that was written wrong, it made it sound as though only 70% of peopl who smoked, died. Not that 70% percent of people were dyine from smoking.

Sire? We move... If you know what thats about, then you rock!



So, lately I have read many thing about swearing. Some people say that the Bible doesn't actually say you shouldn't, so its ok... and stuff like that. I was just reading something Reese Roper wrote, that taking the Lords name in vain was when you break an oath to him. I just don't know about that... I believe that there is a great deal of irreverence when you say His name and don't really mean it. I also believe in purity of speech. Whats the point of swearing? Your words probably mean nothing, even in the face of great danger. If I yelled other random words, it wouldn't do anything... I guess I feel that the need you have that you try to fill with those words is the problem. Its kinda like me, whenever I talk abou CJ, its in some ways about how I would like a girlfriend. But I don't need one, and all that thinking about it does is propagate the problem. So yeah... WHY SWEAR? The things that are bound on earth will be bound in heaven. Yeah...


I am listening to Chevelle!

OH! Thats what I was gonna do! I was gonna post the sites for all my favorite artists... But then I started reading "Questions for Reese" at FiveIron.com!

SO here is my List! Dogwood, SwitchFoot, SuperTones, FiveIronFrenzy, Children 18:3 And tons of others... but thats all I am putting here right now...

Must resist urge... to... write all day... :-D

Yeah... I need to do like a whole weeks worth of school today, so I better get at it!

Chau...

"Some day I'll be back for you..."

Dum Dee Dum Dee Dummmmm...

I have a headache...

It hurts...

Coming Soon to a blog near you!

yeah, I haven't been posting... Lately nothing has been coming to mind...

I have big veins on my hands... its creeping me out...

Chau!

Psalm 119

Is it bad when...

...your finger nail is got blood coming out from underneath it? It think it probably is...

Hehe, so the other day while building a sauna a got whacked in the hand real hard, so I have a blood blister thingie under my nail, and its gushing blood. I might lose the nail. But luckily humans grow their nails back, which I didn't know before. I am kinda getting the keyboard bloody, but just a little.

So, tonight I gots some stuffix to say.

I am getting really excited to go to Costa Rica, only like 2 weeks now. I almost feel like we should have prepared for more than 6+ months, but not really, 'cause we can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us! I love that verse. Oh, I was reading Psalm 119 (Isn't that the longest one?) and the group labeled "Heth" (Like 57-64?) really struck me as awesome, because it says so many things. It really reminds me of things that I have gone through in my life... Yeah! Anywhoo... Oh, yeah! For whatever reason, my spirit was just really feeling pumped after my cousins graduation, even though it was kind of a boring event. So I can home and read Psalms! Fun eh? I thought so... You ever have times like that? When you just sooo enjoy reading from the Bible? I often enjoy it, but not like this, I mean really really really just gain pleasure from it. Yeah... Hehe, that sounds a little odd to me.

You are my portion, O LORD: I have said that I would keep thy words.
I entreated thy favor with [my] whole heart: be merciful unto me according to thy word.
I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.
I made haste, and delayed not to keep thy commandments.
The bands of the wicked have robbed me: [but] I have not forgotten thy law.
At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee because of thy righteous judgments.
I [am] a companion of all [them] that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.
The earth, O LORD, is full of thy mercy: teach me thy statutes.

That was the best I could find on such short notice... I really should find a easier to read version for the net. Yeah.

So, last Wednesday, we had a worship night, which was unusual, what was more unusual was that my brother was there, as his girlfriend kicked him out of his apartment. So, I was praying with Eric Johnson, my mentor of sorts, about my brother. And whenever I pray for my brother, I totally pour out my heart for him, 'cause I love him lots. And this time I didn't cry, but I guess I must have been praying in tongues pretty hard, cause my cousin came over and asked me too pray for him like I prayed for my brother, cause he has an eating disorder, he thinks he is overweight, but he is super super skinny. And he has been to all sorts of shrinks and doctors and peeps, but no one has been able to help. And my Aunt and Uncle are both righteous warriors for God, but so far God hasn't healed him. But I have faith in the gift of healing I was given, and I know my God is a merciful God. And already have I begun to thank and praise God for the miracle that is happening in joshes life. I would be very happy if you too would pray for my cousin.

I am such a slacker though... I have more prayers for healing to ask than I realized, for my Brother, for both my Grandmas, for my Dad. And just recently, for Anna. And I am such a slacker that I am sure there is more, but I can't remember them all. I give it an earnest try.

Yeah...

Mostly I have posted whiny little letters to no one about nothing, so I am sure it must be a welcome change to have me post about something that really matters. I should post more about real things more often. Part of it is that when I spend any time with C.J. I am off balance, and I worry and I wonder, and this and that. I really should try harder to be more like her in ways, but I really shouldn't get all spastic.

Oh! There were some "I hope you don't feel so down from now on..." Err something like that comments. I am firm in my faith that this life is worth living for Christ, he still has much for me to do, and I will just wait patiently until its over. What I write on here isn't real depression, I have really been depressed before, what that was, was a moment of self indulgence, of sorts. Considering I written several down trending posts, I think that perhaps I should really buck up... Oh, and that poetry I wrote is nonsense, because everything I wrote there I didn't even try on, I didn't go for the perfect expression of my meanings. Hehehe, so my understandings were misunderstood...

Its like 1:30, so I will probably be mad at something I wrote tonight... I will be like, now why did I say that, because it won't be exactly what I mean. Or I will think, that should have been said like this... Blahhdy Blahhdy Blahhdy Blah...

Chau!

Oh, don't forget to pray for my Brother and my cousin, oh and me while I am in Costa Rica... Because on your knees is where the battle is fought... Says some tee shirt... :-D

My Uncle, my Grandfather and my dad, all with wigs...
Mo' Bloggin

Manic Depressive

I think I must be...

Must be a manic depressive.

Or something! Cause my emotions are so up down up down... Or maybe I really am insane... AND MAYBE... Maybe everyones out to get us, because we know all about them, them tharrr cultists and there potions for eternal power of everlasting DOOOOOMMMMMM.... Or maybe I am just me, and I am totally just cracked out. Yeah... maybe maybe...

Oiookie Coookie!

Yeah!

I submitted my "Some Day Death" poem to Deviant Art. Someone actually liked it.. Weird eh?

Chau

Very Lucky!

Today I was Lucky!

Whew! Earlier today, I was talking with someone... And while I was talking, I was like hey I should ask this question! And it was the most foolish question! If I had asked it, I would have made a total fool out of myself!

First of all, it would have been very akward.
Second of all, its not the sort of thing that I really need to know.

Luckily, we stopped talking moments before I asked, which was wonderful.

Yeah!

Chau

Stuff, and then some...

Stuff, and then some...

So...

when God purifies something, it is completly purified right? Well, yeah thats what I would say, so how come I think that I am not good enough for CJ then? I am not sure... It doesn't make much sense does it... Just recently someone told me that I am "awesome" which is a very nice compliment, but... but I know all my little failures, all the things that I don't do, all the places where I am imperfect. I certianly wouldn't say that I am awe inspiring.

Here... Here is what I am talking about. I have grown up with two God fearing parents, both good examples of what a person of Christ should be. And I have been going to Church all my life, with many Godly infleunces in my life. But how far have I gone out on my own, away from this? What is my own, that hasn't been given to me? How much of what I have has been won with my own blood and my own tears? What have I begged for down on my knees? What really is my own? I would say not nearly enough, I haven't been the fiery passionate man of God that I really should be. I haven't worked nearly hard enough. I am going on my 3rd missions trip, and I barely feel prepared. I have prayed, and I have read and I have memorized, but is that enough? I am still scraping together cash for the trip, and I only have like a couple of days left, and I am about 400 short.

So, as far as CJ... I am indecisive... I think I am going to be a little friendlier to her, after all, she is one of my favorite people, because she is just so rockin' awesome. I have kinda been avoiding her, because... Because its really tough on me to spend much time with her... I would compare it to using a "shareware" version of windows, and then having to go back to DOS. Yeah, there isn't shareware windows, but you get the point, right? Luckily I really don't have to make much of a decision on the subject of CJ, until after AIM. You aren't aloud to date on AIM which also means courting I assume. Here is how it pans out, after AIM I have another year of school, as does she, and then I think she graduates, I hope. Now, if she were to graduate, then she would probably move somewhere far away, which is good, but she might not, and then I would be graduated too, and then I would probably be a youth leader, which would be bad. Bad because youth leaders can explore those things, like courting. In fact 2 of my youth leaders just got married. Yeah. So, I hope I am wrong, just plain wrong... About anything and everything... Kinda weird to have someone beg to be wrong, eh? Maybe its the fact that I can prove something is right if I am wrong... Or maybe its just that I like to beat myself up over things, maybe maybe, hard to tell... Yeah... Thats todays posty...

Chau

Huzzah!

Ugghhhh... feeling tired...

Just got back from turkey hunting. It rained all 3 days we were out, and I didn't get a bird, but I had a good time.


So... I have been thinking a lot about stuff... Thought about CJ a little, which I probably shouldn't do, because its kind of counter productive, what with me going on a missions trip with her in less than a month.

Yeah!!!

Its real late, so I am going to talk more about this some other time... Don't hold your breath.

Chau

Pretty flower... another digi cam pic... Chau
HUZZAH!

Another picture of the Oklahoma bombing site. Each of the chairs across the lake represents someone who died, and then there is an inscription on the wall of the building, that says 9:01, thats when the bombing occured. There is another memorial across the street, there used to be a church there, but it was destroyed by the explosion too. Yeah... Chau
HUZZAH!

The Oklahoma bombing site. I was there not so long ago. A really touching place. Chau
HUZZAH!

Pretty sweet eh? Yeah, I am abusing my picture posting privelages... but thats OK! YIPPE YIPPE HIP HIP HURAAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAA!!! and oh yeah... some BREW HAR HAR... Chau
HUZZAH!

look I figured it out!!!
HUZZAH!

SO CONFUSED... Hope fully this will work... It seemed easy, but no dice so far..
HUZZAH!

Winter... Eh... Maybe only Jpegs work... We will seee... If it doesn't work, Immma try it on my normal template book blog, and if that doesn't work... Well, then Imma write a letter of complaint and then just go back to my normal blogging routine... YEAH!
HUZZAH!

LOOKY LOOKY! Now I have a picture! *oooh ahh ooohhh Poppin Fresh Dough!*
HUZZAH!

PhotoBlog!

PHOTO BLOGGER!!! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

Ok! Blogger rocks! And then they TOTALLY Anihalate all doubt of it too!

So, first I gotta figure out a way to get my dital camera pics onto the computer again... Like 6 months ago, someone lost the cord that connects my camera to my computer, and now my card reader thingie doesn't work either. So now it all rides on my PDA, to see if I can accses the expansion slot from my computer throught the PDA. Should be fun eh? OH YEAH!

So, the other day CJ and I, (sorry, but the usual me and CJ just wasn't cutting it...)talked for like an hour and a half. Which if you know CJ, you would realize that she is way way way way to busy to spend an hour and a half to just talk about things. And we were talking about some personal stuff, and she was like, I can't really explain this, ask me wednesday (I love wed-nes-day)so I did, and we totally never talked about it, but she had a good time none the less. But, I still have to ask here about the paradox she couldn't explain. She is always fun to talk to :-D

Yup, Post #7 without any comments...

Ooh Ooh!

Ooh Ooh!

Imma set a record for how many posts I can go without comments!

SO far its 6!

Chau

Gots It

I Gots it!

I receieved 9 cds today... And I always over listen to my new music, which means I will have "new" music for some time now. Now what to listen to while going to bed? Chevelle, or Spoken? Or maybe Plumb or GS MegaPhone... Or I could listen to Benjamin gate... Plumb I think, because I haven't listened to that cd yet...

K...

Welll... That was the exciting update of my life.

Oh! I spiked my hair yesterday, with super industrial hair spikey stuff, I had it like out 3 inchs, but I want to do the full length... I am going to do it for wednesday. Yeah...

I always like that name... wed nes day I should get married on wednesday. Anyday with a nes in it... :-D

Chau

Death...

Some Day Death

Death every day anew, never satisfied. Never looking back, it plots the path to your demise. Not happy until it sees your body rotting away. It will mangle your mind, destroy your memories...