Post of much posting.

Yo!

I am listening to a CD. But who is this CD? I do not know. They are good. They are singing reassuring things. I don't recall hearing them before. I wonder if they are new to my CD collection. This I do not know either.

Today was a good day. I spent time with my cousin at his house today. We played video games, for awhile. Then I went to Micahs grad party, which was fun. I enjoyed spending time with people that I don't often see. People like Niki, Christian and Dustin.

That reminds me, I have to re-write my links so that you can go to Christinas Xanga. For whatever reasons they hate me, and nobody has ever said anything about it. Hahaha! That didn't make sense... I was supposed to say that you must hate me because you haven't told me about it!

Sometimes while I talk to people I end up thinking that they don't want to talk to me. That they would rather not have to deal with me. Of course this must be depression, and not true. I only say that because I have thought that for probably everyone I know. But that's my struggle. Mein Kampf. Of course, it could be true, and sometimes I would rather believe that it is. But my emotions are more dangerous to me than anything else.

Today a girl wore my jacket. Does that even mean anything? Its kind of a strangely embarrassing thing. She wore it because she was cold, but does it ever mean anything? But in times like this, its best to stick to code that "nothing means anything". Yeah. I hate it when I think things should mean something. Luckily I am smart enough to know it never does. Which makes me happy, happy that it never means anything.



And somedays, 25 seems like a long time to wait. But it will be worth it. Today I am still to young, and still too foolish to handle the responsibilities of love. I can only hope that I will be wise enough to handle it at 25. That's 7 short years you know! I have a lot to learn! Right now I can't even keep a functioning "deeper" relationship. Partially it seems that time and commitment keeps me from that kind of relationship. The other thing that keeps me from such a relationship is that I am a winy dork. Perhaps if I were not so foolish I would do better. I am not even that close with my cousin Matt any more. We used to be real tight. But then I said to many foolish things for even my our relationship to weather. We are still friends, but now his heart is silent to mine. I know he still loves me, and that he cares for me, but we do not talk in the same manor as we once did. It used to so.. so.. so much "something"... IDK... But in some ways it must be better this way. I think he realized once that I am not helping him up, because he is reaching so much higher than I am, that I can't. How dearly I love that man. I once told him that "He is the brother of my own soul". There is a verse in the Old Testament that talks about that.

Well... There is more foolish-ness for you.

I think the wiser you get, the more you realize that you are not wise. Of course that would be self praising, so it can't be true...

I just don't know. Sometimes I wonder if you can know anything. I guess most of our lives rest of faith. Faith that our computer will work. We see no reason that they shouldn't work, but really, they probably shouldn't.

Yeah... I guess I am kind of depressed, but I know that I am trying hard to be pleasing in my Gods eyes. We are working hard at it. And its tough. But it is worth it.

Well, I can't be depressed anymore. I have to much to do now to be depressed. Like my missions trip in 8 days. Busy Busy Busy!!!

Chau! And good luck with your life!