Stuff, and then some...

Stuff, and then some...

So...

when God purifies something, it is completly purified right? Well, yeah thats what I would say, so how come I think that I am not good enough for CJ then? I am not sure... It doesn't make much sense does it... Just recently someone told me that I am "awesome" which is a very nice compliment, but... but I know all my little failures, all the things that I don't do, all the places where I am imperfect. I certianly wouldn't say that I am awe inspiring.

Here... Here is what I am talking about. I have grown up with two God fearing parents, both good examples of what a person of Christ should be. And I have been going to Church all my life, with many Godly infleunces in my life. But how far have I gone out on my own, away from this? What is my own, that hasn't been given to me? How much of what I have has been won with my own blood and my own tears? What have I begged for down on my knees? What really is my own? I would say not nearly enough, I haven't been the fiery passionate man of God that I really should be. I haven't worked nearly hard enough. I am going on my 3rd missions trip, and I barely feel prepared. I have prayed, and I have read and I have memorized, but is that enough? I am still scraping together cash for the trip, and I only have like a couple of days left, and I am about 400 short.

So, as far as CJ... I am indecisive... I think I am going to be a little friendlier to her, after all, she is one of my favorite people, because she is just so rockin' awesome. I have kinda been avoiding her, because... Because its really tough on me to spend much time with her... I would compare it to using a "shareware" version of windows, and then having to go back to DOS. Yeah, there isn't shareware windows, but you get the point, right? Luckily I really don't have to make much of a decision on the subject of CJ, until after AIM. You aren't aloud to date on AIM which also means courting I assume. Here is how it pans out, after AIM I have another year of school, as does she, and then I think she graduates, I hope. Now, if she were to graduate, then she would probably move somewhere far away, which is good, but she might not, and then I would be graduated too, and then I would probably be a youth leader, which would be bad. Bad because youth leaders can explore those things, like courting. In fact 2 of my youth leaders just got married. Yeah. So, I hope I am wrong, just plain wrong... About anything and everything... Kinda weird to have someone beg to be wrong, eh? Maybe its the fact that I can prove something is right if I am wrong... Or maybe its just that I like to beat myself up over things, maybe maybe, hard to tell... Yeah... Thats todays posty...

Chau