Psalm 119

Is it bad when...

...your finger nail is got blood coming out from underneath it? It think it probably is...

Hehe, so the other day while building a sauna a got whacked in the hand real hard, so I have a blood blister thingie under my nail, and its gushing blood. I might lose the nail. But luckily humans grow their nails back, which I didn't know before. I am kinda getting the keyboard bloody, but just a little.

So, tonight I gots some stuffix to say.

I am getting really excited to go to Costa Rica, only like 2 weeks now. I almost feel like we should have prepared for more than 6+ months, but not really, 'cause we can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us! I love that verse. Oh, I was reading Psalm 119 (Isn't that the longest one?) and the group labeled "Heth" (Like 57-64?) really struck me as awesome, because it says so many things. It really reminds me of things that I have gone through in my life... Yeah! Anywhoo... Oh, yeah! For whatever reason, my spirit was just really feeling pumped after my cousins graduation, even though it was kind of a boring event. So I can home and read Psalms! Fun eh? I thought so... You ever have times like that? When you just sooo enjoy reading from the Bible? I often enjoy it, but not like this, I mean really really really just gain pleasure from it. Yeah... Hehe, that sounds a little odd to me.

You are my portion, O LORD: I have said that I would keep thy words.
I entreated thy favor with [my] whole heart: be merciful unto me according to thy word.
I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.
I made haste, and delayed not to keep thy commandments.
The bands of the wicked have robbed me: [but] I have not forgotten thy law.
At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee because of thy righteous judgments.
I [am] a companion of all [them] that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.
The earth, O LORD, is full of thy mercy: teach me thy statutes.

That was the best I could find on such short notice... I really should find a easier to read version for the net. Yeah.

So, last Wednesday, we had a worship night, which was unusual, what was more unusual was that my brother was there, as his girlfriend kicked him out of his apartment. So, I was praying with Eric Johnson, my mentor of sorts, about my brother. And whenever I pray for my brother, I totally pour out my heart for him, 'cause I love him lots. And this time I didn't cry, but I guess I must have been praying in tongues pretty hard, cause my cousin came over and asked me too pray for him like I prayed for my brother, cause he has an eating disorder, he thinks he is overweight, but he is super super skinny. And he has been to all sorts of shrinks and doctors and peeps, but no one has been able to help. And my Aunt and Uncle are both righteous warriors for God, but so far God hasn't healed him. But I have faith in the gift of healing I was given, and I know my God is a merciful God. And already have I begun to thank and praise God for the miracle that is happening in joshes life. I would be very happy if you too would pray for my cousin.

I am such a slacker though... I have more prayers for healing to ask than I realized, for my Brother, for both my Grandmas, for my Dad. And just recently, for Anna. And I am such a slacker that I am sure there is more, but I can't remember them all. I give it an earnest try.

Yeah...

Mostly I have posted whiny little letters to no one about nothing, so I am sure it must be a welcome change to have me post about something that really matters. I should post more about real things more often. Part of it is that when I spend any time with C.J. I am off balance, and I worry and I wonder, and this and that. I really should try harder to be more like her in ways, but I really shouldn't get all spastic.

Oh! There were some "I hope you don't feel so down from now on..." Err something like that comments. I am firm in my faith that this life is worth living for Christ, he still has much for me to do, and I will just wait patiently until its over. What I write on here isn't real depression, I have really been depressed before, what that was, was a moment of self indulgence, of sorts. Considering I written several down trending posts, I think that perhaps I should really buck up... Oh, and that poetry I wrote is nonsense, because everything I wrote there I didn't even try on, I didn't go for the perfect expression of my meanings. Hehehe, so my understandings were misunderstood...

Its like 1:30, so I will probably be mad at something I wrote tonight... I will be like, now why did I say that, because it won't be exactly what I mean. Or I will think, that should have been said like this... Blahhdy Blahhdy Blahhdy Blah...

Chau!

Oh, don't forget to pray for my Brother and my cousin, oh and me while I am in Costa Rica... Because on your knees is where the battle is fought... Says some tee shirt... :-D

My Uncle, my Grandfather and my dad, all with wigs...
Mo' Bloggin

Manic Depressive

I think I must be...

Must be a manic depressive.

Or something! Cause my emotions are so up down up down... Or maybe I really am insane... AND MAYBE... Maybe everyones out to get us, because we know all about them, them tharrr cultists and there potions for eternal power of everlasting DOOOOOMMMMMM.... Or maybe I am just me, and I am totally just cracked out. Yeah... maybe maybe...

Oiookie Coookie!

Yeah!

I submitted my "Some Day Death" poem to Deviant Art. Someone actually liked it.. Weird eh?

Chau

Very Lucky!

Today I was Lucky!

Whew! Earlier today, I was talking with someone... And while I was talking, I was like hey I should ask this question! And it was the most foolish question! If I had asked it, I would have made a total fool out of myself!

First of all, it would have been very akward.
Second of all, its not the sort of thing that I really need to know.

Luckily, we stopped talking moments before I asked, which was wonderful.

Yeah!

Chau

Stuff, and then some...

Stuff, and then some...

So...

when God purifies something, it is completly purified right? Well, yeah thats what I would say, so how come I think that I am not good enough for CJ then? I am not sure... It doesn't make much sense does it... Just recently someone told me that I am "awesome" which is a very nice compliment, but... but I know all my little failures, all the things that I don't do, all the places where I am imperfect. I certianly wouldn't say that I am awe inspiring.

Here... Here is what I am talking about. I have grown up with two God fearing parents, both good examples of what a person of Christ should be. And I have been going to Church all my life, with many Godly infleunces in my life. But how far have I gone out on my own, away from this? What is my own, that hasn't been given to me? How much of what I have has been won with my own blood and my own tears? What have I begged for down on my knees? What really is my own? I would say not nearly enough, I haven't been the fiery passionate man of God that I really should be. I haven't worked nearly hard enough. I am going on my 3rd missions trip, and I barely feel prepared. I have prayed, and I have read and I have memorized, but is that enough? I am still scraping together cash for the trip, and I only have like a couple of days left, and I am about 400 short.

So, as far as CJ... I am indecisive... I think I am going to be a little friendlier to her, after all, she is one of my favorite people, because she is just so rockin' awesome. I have kinda been avoiding her, because... Because its really tough on me to spend much time with her... I would compare it to using a "shareware" version of windows, and then having to go back to DOS. Yeah, there isn't shareware windows, but you get the point, right? Luckily I really don't have to make much of a decision on the subject of CJ, until after AIM. You aren't aloud to date on AIM which also means courting I assume. Here is how it pans out, after AIM I have another year of school, as does she, and then I think she graduates, I hope. Now, if she were to graduate, then she would probably move somewhere far away, which is good, but she might not, and then I would be graduated too, and then I would probably be a youth leader, which would be bad. Bad because youth leaders can explore those things, like courting. In fact 2 of my youth leaders just got married. Yeah. So, I hope I am wrong, just plain wrong... About anything and everything... Kinda weird to have someone beg to be wrong, eh? Maybe its the fact that I can prove something is right if I am wrong... Or maybe its just that I like to beat myself up over things, maybe maybe, hard to tell... Yeah... Thats todays posty...

Chau

Huzzah!

Ugghhhh... feeling tired...

Just got back from turkey hunting. It rained all 3 days we were out, and I didn't get a bird, but I had a good time.


So... I have been thinking a lot about stuff... Thought about CJ a little, which I probably shouldn't do, because its kind of counter productive, what with me going on a missions trip with her in less than a month.

Yeah!!!

Its real late, so I am going to talk more about this some other time... Don't hold your breath.

Chau

Pretty flower... another digi cam pic... Chau
HUZZAH!

Another picture of the Oklahoma bombing site. Each of the chairs across the lake represents someone who died, and then there is an inscription on the wall of the building, that says 9:01, thats when the bombing occured. There is another memorial across the street, there used to be a church there, but it was destroyed by the explosion too. Yeah... Chau
HUZZAH!

The Oklahoma bombing site. I was there not so long ago. A really touching place. Chau
HUZZAH!

Pretty sweet eh? Yeah, I am abusing my picture posting privelages... but thats OK! YIPPE YIPPE HIP HIP HURAAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAA!!! and oh yeah... some BREW HAR HAR... Chau
HUZZAH!

look I figured it out!!!
HUZZAH!

SO CONFUSED... Hope fully this will work... It seemed easy, but no dice so far..
HUZZAH!

Winter... Eh... Maybe only Jpegs work... We will seee... If it doesn't work, Immma try it on my normal template book blog, and if that doesn't work... Well, then Imma write a letter of complaint and then just go back to my normal blogging routine... YEAH!
HUZZAH!

LOOKY LOOKY! Now I have a picture! *oooh ahh ooohhh Poppin Fresh Dough!*
HUZZAH!

PhotoBlog!

PHOTO BLOGGER!!! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

Ok! Blogger rocks! And then they TOTALLY Anihalate all doubt of it too!

So, first I gotta figure out a way to get my dital camera pics onto the computer again... Like 6 months ago, someone lost the cord that connects my camera to my computer, and now my card reader thingie doesn't work either. So now it all rides on my PDA, to see if I can accses the expansion slot from my computer throught the PDA. Should be fun eh? OH YEAH!

So, the other day CJ and I, (sorry, but the usual me and CJ just wasn't cutting it...)talked for like an hour and a half. Which if you know CJ, you would realize that she is way way way way to busy to spend an hour and a half to just talk about things. And we were talking about some personal stuff, and she was like, I can't really explain this, ask me wednesday (I love wed-nes-day)so I did, and we totally never talked about it, but she had a good time none the less. But, I still have to ask here about the paradox she couldn't explain. She is always fun to talk to :-D

Yup, Post #7 without any comments...

Ooh Ooh!

Ooh Ooh!

Imma set a record for how many posts I can go without comments!

SO far its 6!

Chau

Gots It

I Gots it!

I receieved 9 cds today... And I always over listen to my new music, which means I will have "new" music for some time now. Now what to listen to while going to bed? Chevelle, or Spoken? Or maybe Plumb or GS MegaPhone... Or I could listen to Benjamin gate... Plumb I think, because I haven't listened to that cd yet...

K...

Welll... That was the exciting update of my life.

Oh! I spiked my hair yesterday, with super industrial hair spikey stuff, I had it like out 3 inchs, but I want to do the full length... I am going to do it for wednesday. Yeah...

I always like that name... wed nes day I should get married on wednesday. Anyday with a nes in it... :-D

Chau

Death...

Some Day Death

Death every day anew, never satisfied. Never looking back, it plots the path to your demise. Not happy until it sees your body rotting away. It will mangle your mind, destroy your memories...

Don't Worry...

Don't Worry

Have you ever had some one tell you not to worry?

ops (thats right, not oops) I guess I can't talk about this anymore...

On My Way

Just a lingering soul, waiting to go home. I can see the brilliance from a far, and one day I will be able to touch it. Not long now, the pain will cease, and I will walk down those streets, smiling with a face I have never known. And as I walk down that street, I will know I am surrounded by those who love me. No fear, no strife, no worries. All will be good, all will be light. All Will Be Perfect.

Life Otherwise

Bitter sweet sorrow. I know things are tough, and I know they will get worse before they get better, but this is the way it is. And to live this way is worth it, nothing could make me think otherwise. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here. I would be long gone. I would have already traded life for death, would have taken myself from this mortal coil. It would only hurt a little, but then it would be done, for good. If not for this, I wouldn't believe in love, or redemption, wouldn't believe in good or bad. Nothing would matter at all. It would all be for naught, all going to waste.

Chau

That Confused Me...

So Confused...

I was talking with this girl. And she said that she keeps busy to keep from being lonely, but that she is lonely because she has absolutely no social interaction. So now I really don't know what the problem is. I really want to be helpful too. I hate to see my friends hurting, because in turn, I hurt too. If they screw up, I must have screwed up first. It was my inattentiveness that brought this about. I can't make it disappear, because it happened, but I can fix it.

Yeah. Instant Post.

hehehe, more drivel from a mad man!

chau

Writting Vaguely about What I see so Clearly

Writting Vaguely about What I see so Clearly

And ever as I talk, I come away with the goodness of the unseen. How can it be so wonderfull as this? Was beauty built to do this? Could fiery passion come from this unseen force, an anxious movement not but seen. For this I could live, for this I could die. If I had but a chance to move the stars, I would.

In this I see truth. An unbridled fury, a moving storm. Power whips within it, directing itself with grace undeniable.

If that didn't make sense, Good. If it made a little sense, then I will just have to try harder next time.

Well, today is one of those days, that I feel like I am going insane.

Can't Talk anymore...

Chau

Talking With...

Hmmm...

Listening to "Smile and Laugh again" by "The Elms"

"no, random is good" -By an anarchist

"I... revel in chaos" - By the same anarchist

So, yeah, I am talking to a someone I met distantly on the internet. And of course, they work right into my theory that everyone in the world will know at least one of my friends by the time I die. 'cause I have done this before, I randomly emailed someone, and of course they knew my friend Amos. And just like yesterday, I surfed through some xangas, and there was someone I knew from my friend Matt.

yeah...

Ok...


Chau

GoodBye for the last time.

GoodBye

If you had to say your last GoodBye, how would you do it? Short and sweet? Or a minnesota goodbye? Or a very lengthy goodbye, one that is an expression of everything that you have ever experianced together?

Its funny, some people say to live everday like it were your last, and I really think that that means something totally different to the world... I think that the world would really just be like, this day doesn't matter, I can do what every I want, because today I die. But for me, and others like me, it means to try your hardest to make the lasting impact, to do all you could possible do on that day. To make the most of it.

Have you ever really thought about what would happen when you die? Or what would happen to someone else when they die? I don't mean in relation to there spiritual life, but with the physical. Like, when I get married (if I get married) I am going to write a letter to my wife on our aniversery every year, for when/if I die before her. And also one to my son/daughter on their birthdays. Now think about what would happen if someone you loved died tomorrow. Like one of your parents. Or your brother or sister. How would you take it. Me, knowing myself, I would be sad, but I would grin and bear it, knowing that they would be in a better place, and that they had finally been called home.

well, thats just what I had on the top of my head, I would write more, but then I might really have to think hard.

*Chau*

Albatross

"Albatross" by "Brave Saint Saturn"?


Around my neck there is an albatross.
Some people think it looks, looks like a cross,
But it's not, it's - well it's an albatross.
There to remind me of who I'll never be, never be, never be.

Hung around my neck with pride,
This piece of wood where Jesus died.
I know I'll never be like You,
But, God, I want to try.

Around my neck there is an albatross.
Some people think it looks, looks like a cross,
But it's not, it's - well, it's an albatross.
There to remind me of who I'll never be, never be, never be. ]

of who I will never ever be...

So true... but that doesn't mean I should try any less hard. In fact, it means that I should try all the harder, so I can say that I honestly gave it ever last ounce of strength that I had in my body.

Yeah.

Chau

Huzzah!

So...

Here I sit, thinking the things I too often think. wishing the things I too often wish. Why is it I give time to these things? Isn't it like putting salt in my wounds? If I stopped scratching these scabs would they get better? Are they ment to get better? My pondering brings back the old problems, and the old solutions.

Yeah...

"Hope is the bravest thing of all"

Chau

New Blogger

Huzzah!

So! This is the new blogger... I like it... Kinda...

I don't understand the comments for blogger. Imma just keep using blogback. My template might be inhibiting bloggers comment system.

Earlier I wrote a HUGE post... And then of course Mozilla crashed... Maybe I will write a little of what I wrote before, maybe not.

Ok... Here's just a little something. I went through a long list of logics and philosophy, and came up with a bunch of different things about this and that, and what not, but I will simply put one thing down.

If you thought you loved someone, but knew that they deserved someone better, and you were not doing all you could to become what they deserved, do you really love them? I came up with an answer, but I would like to hear yours. Well, I probably won't, but that's ok. Yeah, wow before I wrote 2 full paragraphs to get to that single thought. Oh well...



Hmmm... Well, as ever, I am feeling a little depressed, a little tired, and a little stupid. Oh well, that seems to be my life, nothing goes right, but nothing really goes wrong.

I did nursery this morning, with 4 and 5 year olds, and it was magically busier than Easter service. I think I pretty much am always scheduled for holidays. I don't know how or why, but it seems that way.


So...

I have Halo Burnout. To Much Halo. Not enough RTS. Need More RTS.

Well, I think that I trully am going insane... I have been very busy lately, and its making me a little tired. But, just another day of life here on this earth. Just another breath of air. Just another second ticking by. Oh well, gotta die sometime. I don't for see it any time soon, but hopefully it won't be to long before I go.

Chau

Huzzah!

So...

Yeah!!!

Thats right, I am.

And now for something completly different.

So, I play the charchter Tony in the play right. And I am supposed have an accent, but I keep doing a mobster accent, instead of a Brooklyn one. So I keep talking about honor and respect, and the "family" instead of cars and stuff. Oh well. And I like constantly argue with Kaylns charchter, which is "interesting" because she never really comes up with insults or comebacks, she just is like... Nyah! And I am all "your gonna sleep with the fishes"

Exciting eh? No? I didn't think so...

You know whats a cool charchter name? Natty Bumpo! Yeah!

So, I need a name for my book charchters. I might use the one/ones for the "anime-ish" charchters I thought up once...
Chaos, would be a girl, living up to her name, and Theory, a Guy, also living up to his name. Or something.

Yeah!

I am slowly thinking more and more about the "novel" Mindless entertainment, thats all that book really is for me, because no matter how much I think about it the ideas come instinctivly, from way to much time thinking about things like this when I was young. Yeah!

Notice I say Yeah! To much? Funny, because I don't say it at all in person...

Chau

Huzzah!

I found my DogWood cd! It was hiding behind my printer... Don't ask...

I have a great idea... oh, no wait thats a dumb idea...

Well! I have been having a rocking awesome time... Ummm... no wait I am not having a rockin' awesome time.

Chau

Huzzah!

Quotes! I love Quotes!

"When I turned myself over to God, I took my life out of the hands of an idiot."

I don't know who said it, but it rocks!

"My mind is out to get me."

"Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know - I've been using it for years."
--Tallulah Bankhead

"I believe in the sun even though it is slow in rising. I believe in you without realizing. I believe in rain though there are no clouds in the sky. I believe in truth even though people lie. I believe in peace though sometimes I am violent. I believe in God even though he is silent."
--Unknown

Yay! Wasn't that exciting...

Sorry... I was looking for stuff on Ernest Hemingway, and I got sucked into one of the those quote pages. I love quote pages. I wish I didn't always try to spell quote wrong though...

Well... I am as bored out of my mind as ever. HeY YOU! YOU WHO IS READING THIS!!! TALK TO ME...

Yeah... well, mostly bored because I am doing a langauge test thingie. FUN EH?

Well, Chau

TADA!

Huzzah!

So, I guess the clowning went well. No thanks to me however... I seem to have a mental blockage when it comes to clowning. I can be funny and stuff, but I can't plan it very well it seems. I mean I did what we planned to do, but other than that I feel useless, which is fun you know. YEAH! USELESS!

Chau