Giddy up Giddy up, Hey!

Greetings wanderer!

So... I wrote a really whinny post before, right? Right...

So for this post I hope to write the anti-whinny post. I don't know why I don't just take down the whinny post... But I am not going to. *shrugs*

I really don't have a good reason to whine though. I have so many awesome callings on my life, and so many great things happening in it.

And I was going to write about them, but that feels... idk... Self-righteous...

To sum up what I would be saying, is that God has awesome things planned for my life, and that I hope to be able to accomplish incredible things for him. And I just pray that his hand of guidance wouldn't leave my life.

Oh! I have an idea... If I just list them I won't feel guilty... I think...

Never mind... that just won't do either... I guess if anyone would want to know, they will just have to ask sometime. Its pretty cool, but I guess I feel that way because its part of my testimony.

Yeah!

Haha, sometimes I am amazed at how I can cheer up just because I need to. I should memorize a psalm about Joy... I don't know any off the top of my head, if anyone has any... Just post about it.

Oh, that reminds me, I finally have Isaiah 53:5 Memorized...

"And he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our inequities. And the punishment that brought us peace was upon him. And by his wounds we are healed."

Thats all I can write for now...

Chau

It goes blammo!

Hey...

Today it rained... I love the rain. Its my favorite weather.

We had carpet cleaning goons out to the house today... Which really bugged me. I don't know why, but waiting for somethings really gets to me... Like when some one is on the cell phone in the car, and they turn down the music so you can barely hear it... And then they proceed to talk and talk and talk about nothing important until you are like 5 mintues from the destination... It ruins the whole ride for me.

I am getting tired of the way things are going. I feel like I need a break. But there never will be one will there? No... Not for me. Thats just not how my life is supposed to work, I guess. Haha, there are moments that take me away from reality for a while, but its not really a break, because its just worse afterwords.

Eh, but who can complain?

Lately my mind has been a swirl of useless thoughts. Just searching for the answers to questions I am not supposed to know the answers to. Which can be depressing. But then again, to me, everything can be depressing. I tell ya, I am a manic depressive. Haha... of course based on the fact that I think I am going insane, I can count on that I am not.

Yeah...

Well... Enough of my whinning... Time to go and do... umm... something else... I guess...

eh... I am leaving myself a note here. 2nd corinth 4:8... I think thats the one.

Chau

Hello World

Hey...

Ughh... I have had no time to write lately... Which is really bad, because I have a bunch of things to write. Which is sickening. Why should I have so much to write? Or have to write so much? I just don't know anymore...

Yeah...

Chau!

Nadda...

Huzzah!

I am just having breakfest... Mmm... Lucky Charms...

I have been really busy lately. Which is good and all, but its making me impatient. Which isn't good. But I just have to grin and bear it for awhile. Things aren't bad, they're just... idk... up in the air right now. And I am just waiting for them to land again. Just have to be more patient than I can be...

Well... I gotta go build stuff...

Chau

Just another day in the life of...

Hi

I am angry! I just hit backspace and everything I just typed is gone!

So basically what I said was a that God is good, and I am glad that when I am weak he is strong.

I had a bunch of stuff written, but now I am tired, and I am not going to write it all back down.

Chau

Just stressing out...

Why don't I ever write Dear Journal?

I don't know...

Today I felt like I was having an anxiety attack. It was pretty fun... Wheee! Wish I could do that everyday. Just stressing myself out about things that I don't really need to stress out about. Had to ask Christ to let my spirit settle down. I was thinking of hundreds of questions that I don't know the answers to. And won't know the answers to for quit some time.

I am listening to the "Inspirations"! They're a gospel group from the.. 1940's? I don't know when really. But thats my guess. I like them, they are good.

I actually have a lot to talk about, but I am not going to say anything until I have my head screwed on better. Right now I don't know exactly what to say. Haha... Stupid brain, stops working when I need it... And then starts up again when I don't want it to.

Oh Well! Such is life.

Chau

Life can be so exciting!

Hey J00!

I think I say "kids" to much...

I am tired...

Today I read about Elijah and Elisha... Which was exciting. Prophets usually are.

My life has been exciting latley. So much going on. My brother is getting married in 2 weeks! My cousins will be up soon too. I have to finish all sorts of construnction on my house. I just got 4 rabits. I have a new kitty. I have gerbils to feed. Wow... I am the master, I have acquired 7 animals in less than 3 months...

Yeah... I am tired...

Well... I gotta scoot!

Chau

Hey Hey All!

I have been at Big Z's house for the last 2 nights so I haven't been posting... And other than that I have been very busy. Building. Building a sauna, 2 decks, walk ways. Moving dirt... And all the other normal chores.

I am tired. My body is growing very weary. My mind is running in auto pilot. My brain needs a rest. My spirit has been up and down lately. I want things to just stay good. *sigh*

yeah

Chau

It can be so hard...

*sigh*

Sometimes life can be so tough. So tough that you feel its not worth living. You just feel that it would be better to end this long suffering and just go on to what ever is next.

But it isn't worth it. Death never would be. God put us here on this earth to fulfill a purpose. And as long as we have yet to fulfill that purpose, he will sustain us. God is a good and perfect God, and he knows when we should die. We shouldn't go killing ourselves, because our deaths will come too soon without committing suicide.

I have thought much of committing suicide. But I never will. It is so alluring, but its reward is hollow. After death you can never again laugh or run or play or do any of the many things that makes this life worth living. Because committing suicide would send you to hell. Or at least I can't think of how you can have a right relationship with Christ and still commit suicide.

Yeah... Just gathering my thoughts for what is shaping up to be an eventful day tomorrow. I pray that Jesus will give me strength to deal with the on coming storm with wisdom and love. I hope at least some of what I have said here will prove useful to me tomorrow. I just hope I can provide the insight and encouragement for my friend that I wish too.

I am not unused to talking about such things though, which is sad. I have talked with people about... well... about horrible things, that I don't want to repeat here. I tried admirably then, and in someways succeeded to help. I hope at least this time they will know that I care. I guess that's one of my flaws, I always want to help. There is always some way to help. Even if its just by not helping... (does that make sense?) Umm... Well, by not helping, but by listening.


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Earlier someone was talking to me, and they thought I wouldn't want them to tell me their problems. Do I seem cruel and unjust? Am I the type of person who wouldn't have compassion for another person?

Certainly some people don't think so... Some people say that all they ever tell me is their problems... Which doesn't bother me a bit, in fact it makes me feel in some small way, useful.

Do you think that Jesus would have ever been, no I am too good to talk to you, or I am too self involved to care about what you have to say? I don't think so. I certainly am not.



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My cat is so crazy! It just pretended to claw my bicep and then claimed victory by licking it!

I have been real tired lately. Feeling really stressed out. Some people don't realize it, but they stress me out a ton. And not because they are diffacult people or anything, but just because of how much they subtlely ask of me. Not that I would want them to be asking any less. In fact I would ask the ask more of me. I wonder how far I can go before I break. I hope decently far. But then again...



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I keep getting the feeling like I am being set up. Like some one is doing a bunch of things to me on purpose. Almost as though they are trying to get to something, but by strange means. In some ways it seems very obvious, in other ways so obscure. I am sure the person doing these things doesn't fully realize what they are doing. But then again, I am sure God does.

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So how do you like my lazy mans formating system? That well... Eh?

Here is a cool song by Children 18:3... Real cool in fact. Because Lee Marie sings the whole song.

"Time stands still it moves faster than me- I know I've been here before- There and gone like a mist from the sea- Wasting time that we both can't afford- And your'e right here only so far away- Lets build a bridge between you and me- A point of connection that the whole world can see- We've been trapped in this dungeon by the powers that be- So let's build a bridge to be free- Stained glass sky and a kiss from the breeze- I know we've been through this before- Look at leaves as they fall from the trees- They don't care what new change is in store- And your right here but I'm so far away- Sick of the pressure, sick of the strain- Heard all the lies, seen too much pain- You won't believe the things I've heard- Take the first step, let me go- I'll take my share of the blame- If you feel the same then why not?"



I almost just pressed back! Which would have made this whole post dissapear! WHICH WOULD BE CRAZY PANTS!

Indeed.

Well its really late, and I have to be up early, and I need to go and pray for my peeps.

Chau!

Enter this day

I am tired.

Sonshine was good.

I saw...

• Supertones
• The Insyderz
• Philmore
• Children 18:3
• Disciple
• Spoken
• Joy Electric
• The Apologetix

...and more



*sigh* All my friends are starting a new part of their lives. In some ways I feel like they are leaving me behind. But I will be there all too soon. Much too soon. Big Z will still be in town, so we can still chill. But Manic Matt will be leaving for Masters commission. I am going to miss him.

Yeah. Speaking of friends. I haven't talked to some of my friends in a while. And sometimes I don't know if I want to talk to them again. But I know I should. Shouldn't just stop talking even if we are drifting apart. My friendships aren't like that. I have never left a friendship on a bad note. Not once. That makes me happy to think about. Not everyone can say that. Many people can not say that.

I am tired.

I will go to bed.

Post again tomorrow maybe.

Maybe not.

Chau

Interesting Kid

J00!

On sunday I worked in the nursery, as usual. I always work it that sunday of the month. And there was a rather unique boy there. He didn't talk much, he just watched mostly. He played, but noticablly less than the other children. He was shy, but his eyes weren't. You could tell when he watched you. A nervousness would suddenly seem to be in the air. An anticipation of sorts. Almost as though he was waiting for answers, answers to questions he never really asked. Questions like "What made you do it?" or "Will it always be this way?" and maybe even "Can that honestly be the truth?". Such an interesting boy. Such a chilling boy. Maybe it was just me, but his eyes seemed to be watching you even when he wasn't looking at you.

the things unsaid

some things go unsaid. never does the longing mouth whisper the words wished to be said. never.

never will it say i love you. never will it say i need you. never.

it will always pass over it, and creep around it. pretending it doesn't need to be said. its actions hoping to say what words so simply could.

and impatience and frustration set in, as the stressful silence passes slowly. and how it wishes it could speed the time, the time before they part. so it can send the pain away. to make themselves hide the secret pain within.

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that the rose my faulter, and wither its pettles away. to hide its heart underneath, so that no one will see it.

but to lift its fist from the mire, to push it high into the air. as though to say, in one last gasp, that maybe, just maybe.



I think that I should have finished writing after the line up there. I think that was good, and I ruined it with the next two unrelated lines. Maybe I will make those a different poem. Or well... Its not really a poem is it...

Chau!

New Boxxity

Hey Kidz!

My box broke the other day, so I had to buy a new one. Its a pretty nice one! So, thats what the lapse in posting was about, although I doubt that you noticed.

Chau!

About it all...

Hey Yo!

Hmmm... I just read an ad that said "summer fling or love everlasting?" That seems like a funny thing for an online dating service to say, because don't they just want to sell almost successful relationships? Because if you succeed and marry someone, won't you not need their services anymore? But I would suppose that they want you to think that you could find "love everlasting". Other wise why would you use their services?

I have a kittie! His name is Frank! I don't think he ever goes to the bathroom! He has really big ears!

I never posted about anything I planned on posting about! Isn't that exciting!

I have to go, so...

Chau!

Late Night Post...

Huzzah, and Welcome!

Ughhh... Its four in the morning... Which is pretty late... I think its funny that all the Hibbing kids said that we should pull an all nighter, but now they are all sleeping... Oh, except for Bobbie Jo, who is doing devos. Sometimes I am actually surprised at how strange the Hibbing kids can be, but only a little.

Haha, Bobbie Jo cut me with a knife, which was interesting, because it was an extremely dull knife that she cut me with. That's the second time this week she has drawn blood on me...

I am really tired. When I get tired, I tend to be more reserved than I already am. I don't talk as much, or interact with those around me as much. Some people get really silly when they are tired, I don't unless I am riled up.

Your Nutz!

That would be crazy! No, I know how to type! You crazy person you!

HEY... He is talking about me.. I'm the nutz one... This is Bobbie Jo now.. I didn't mean to cut him... I promise..... Ummm... We "Hib-town" people would've pulled an all nighter, but all of them "Hermantown peeps" went to bed. These are the sort of things he shouldn't forget to add, if I might say so.

Ok... So in the mean time, I want to say that he completely got me hooked on Brave Saint Saturn, and I really enjoy them now.

Costa Rica was really fun, and I suggest that anyone who reads this should go there once, if not again. I would never mind being there, and never mind living there. The people are wonderful. But as good old John Dahlager says, "It may be nice to visit, but you might feel differently about living here." I like how friendships have grown because of the missions trip we took. I wouldn't even be near this "Tim" guy.. But, fortunately, I had the pleasure of meeting him, and the pleasure of becoming his friend.

I AM the nutz one. Wait, I already said that.. You know what is funny? Tim seems to know when I get very tired. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LIKE NOW. Every time I was tired in Costa Rica, he would just say "Man, you are tired." HAHAHA. Quite funny.

But now that I am rambling on, and he's probably going to delete this anyway, I'll just stop talking. Nice to ummm, talk to you though? C-I-A-O.



Ummm... And now for something completely different...

Its about 5 in the morning now... And I feel like talking about deep things, but there are people in the same room... Which really makes me feel like I shouldn't be typing... So I am not going to talk about deep things right now. I guess...

Yeah...

Chau!

Hello

Hey Yo!

Whats up?

Not much is happening with me right now... I have the hibbing kids up to my house today, and I am just chillin' with them...

I guess I don't have a lot to say right now, I will post about it more later.

Yeah...

Chau!

Teaching...

Good Day!



You know what I like? I like to be able to teach, because it feels like you are making an immediate impact on someone elses life. Like you are changing them for the better.

However, I haven't been teaching you much lately have I? No, I don't think I have. I have been mostly talking about my boring life and whinning. I probably do that way too much.

Today I was reading the writings of C.S. Lewis, particularly his take on the Psalms. In his book, he talked about how to treat the wicked. Not the down troden ones, but those who represent the wealthy, intelligent, got it all, power weilding ones. He spoke about not condoning what they do, by ignoring it, by laughing at their jokes, by admiring what they do and who they are, by justifing it. He says that we need to stand up to what they say and do, but not dictate to them, but argue against them.

I think in some ways that is very true, and that we should argue, but argue kindly. We might not even win the arguement, but they may think of what we said for years to come, and one day change their mind. This is a very hard subject, because it is so tempting to just stay silent, and not speak that truth we know. But we must, even if it is hard. If we lie down and die, who will fight for us? And when you speak on it, you never know who else has been silent and will now agree with you.

yeah...

I should really finish that book. Maybe I will buckle down and do it tomorrow.

Chau

Back from "hib-town"

I'm back from

"hib-town"

Yesterday we went to hibbing to chill with our hibbing friends, which was an adventure. We mostly just hung out, and didn't do anything much. We went to see "the pit" which is like the biggest hole in the ground in Minnesota, which was exciting. Hehe... Then we went to walmart, which of course, rocked! Everyone loves walmart! And... Well I could keep going on about what exactly we did, but it isn't' very "exciting" to read I am sure.

Boo Radley is a cool name. Is that how you spell it? I don't know.

Its becoming amusing how much time I spend with Bobbie Jo. And the fact that I am writing her letters is just plain scary. Just makes me wonder...

Seems like us Hermantown kids will never escape the "hib-towners". So far we have only been apart for about a week, and I guess they are coming up for youth group. Which should be interesting, being as though its "summer Olympics" that Wednesday. What does that even mean, "summer Olympics?"

One interesting thing we did this weekend was a "street dance". Which was basically a bunch of drunk people standing in the street. They didn't dance! Oh, except for that one drunk lady, but she danced alone, and poorly. And I tried to get people to break it down with me but no one would. Bobbie Jo did a little, but she would start, then stop, then start, then stop. Eh? I just don't know why no one would dance with me, because you can't look any worse dancing than me. All I do is move my arms around. I tell ya, my feet never move, so its not even really dancing. But I can pretend!

I have been writing this for awhile. I really should buckle down when I post, but no! I have to get up and go there and do this, and check my mail and search for things and help other people do work. I think I have been writing this short little post for two hours now. Which is pretty cool. It took me an hour and a half to get more than two sentences done on this letter I am writing.

I am tired. I need a nap. I should go to bed early tonight.

Chau

Yarrr!

Tonight I am gearing up to go to "hib-town". Some how I feel its going to be tougher being there than I first anticipated. I am excited in some ways, and dreading it in others.

By using my 9th sense... I have gathered that Bobbie Jo probably hates me now. Which wouldn't suprise me. I have been so cracked out lately that its probably annoying everyone I know.

I have been using "Eh?" lately. Which is strange. I don't know if I have ever used it before. Just another nonsense word to fill space. Like "Yeah". Bad habit really. Not useful in anyway. I should really brush up on my reading. I haven't been well read enough lately, I am losing word recognition.

I am actually talking to Bobbie Jo right now. Which can be... tough... *sigh*
Girls are much more trouble than they are worth.

Chau!

Evar Marr...

Hey!


You ever feel yourself wearing down? Like you will never feel rested again? Me too...

I feel much closer to God than I have ever been. I feel like things are going well, even though I am a failure. I am lucky I am weak. Because Gods glory can shine well through those who are weak.

Today, again, I read Isaiah 40:31.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar up on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."

I had more to say, but I am not going to say it now...

Chau!

Tough...

*sigh*

Today was a tough day.

Today I felt helpless.

Today I felt useless.

Today I tried hard, but it didn't matter.

Today I wanted to give in.

Today I wanted to give up.

Today I wanted no more.

Chau...

Not really hacking...

Huh?

Yeah...

Did you check out the latest article from blogger? I think its funny, because they make it sound like knowing a little html and java and such makes you a hacker. Well, it doesn't, it usually doesn't even make you much of a web designer, it makes you mostly just a informed citizen of the web. People use the internet daily, and know nothing about how it works, why it works, or how they could use it to there advantage. I am glad though, that Blogger would try to spur people on to learn about it. At least by using things like the matrix and hacking, people will take interest!

I hope all you peeps read that article, 'cause its good stuff. Good stuff indeed.

So... Hmmm...

I really don't link that much do I? No, not really. Not much linkage comes from me. Even though I know its a good thing to link to pages I like, because it will help them go up on the google search engine... And because its nice to spread the knowledge.

As you can see, I added a scruffy bit of code to (haha, I don't think its right to call html document text, code, but that's ok...) my side bar, so you can check the archives if you want. Yeah, I didn't spend much time in fitting that in there did I? If I were really dedicated, I would make it so that it fits, but I didn't. Not today anyways.



I think I probably use "hmmm..." And "yeah" and "so..." To much. I really should think a bit more about what it is I want to say, and filter my thoughts better. But I don't, do I?

I am going to have a cookie!

Except for me! Because... (I had my tray table up, and my seat in the full upright position!) My Grandmother was at the house the other day, and she made cookies, molasses cookies! Mmmm... They are the best, just like my Grandma!


Haha, must resist the urge to say yeah.



Lately I have exhibited extremely bad grammar. Its been wonderful. The state of my grammar has been exciting, and exhilarating. The exuberance shown to this bad grammar is such that I should be put in exile.

Behold, such boredom as you have never seen before! The kind of boredom that only comes once or twice in a life. Or 4 or 5 times if you are particularly long lived.

And now for something completely different.

I guess I am going to "hib-town" this Saturday, which should be interesting. Nice to see friends again. I am surprised how much the hibbing kids want to see us again. Its very different from other trips I have been on! I haven't seen a single person from any other trip I have been on. No, wait, I have seen some of them, but I have never planned to see anyone again.

I would have to agree with myself on the speculation that I am locked into a certain posting style. This posting style of which I have become accustomed doesn't seem to be a good thing. I would venture to guess that its not going to be an easy habit to break. But then again, most habits aren't. I should know though, I am an addict. Being prone to addictions is not a good thing, especially when you watch it fore-shadow your families lives.

Well, I will bid you a sweet goodbye, and may your steps into the nevermore be peaceful and the driftings come easy.


*Edit* So I got done writting all this and plum forgot to check it for spelling! It was really bad.