"Chaos"

Ugghhh... I haven't been sleeping enough lately, I can tell. I am feeling a little edgy, and second guessing my every thought. I suppose I am just feeling a little stressed. I really need to come up with some clowning ideas. Like really really.

I should stop thinking about CJ, but we have been together to much lately. I give myself a week before my head is back in order. Just need a little air. Or something like that. I guess... I guess life has really just been getting to me lately. Sometimes it bothers me to be here on this earth. To have to see so much sorrow and pain. With children dieing every day, and people living their lives strung out on crack. With parents who abuse their kids and gangs who kill eachother. I just have a hard time knowing its out their. Knowing that people are obviously dieing, and no one will stop to help them. And when they die from this earth, they will go to eternal torment. That as they live unfufilling lives here on earth, they are setting themselves up for permanent seperation from God. It hurts, and it bleeds. But it shouldn't have to. It shouldn't have to be this way. Not at all.

I may whine about my petty little life here, but I do know that there are those with such bigger problems. People who don't see the light of day, just the dark of night. People who don't know what hope there is for them out there. Just see whats sucking their life down the drain. Those are the people that I want to help, those are the people I want to save. Christ has so much more for their lives. If only they could see. If only they could hear him calling them. One day... One day they will hear, if it kills me. And that is beauty, the bleak. When things are worst, that glimmer of hope is the sweetest of all things. When you are in the shadow, and you realize that it is caused by something bright and beautiful on the other side. So you get up and walk around whats blocking the son and see! That my friends is the best.

Yup Yup!

Well, thats enough of my random thoughts for today!